On 3 separate occasions last week, I spoke with different friends who shared with me that they felt themselves being called to do something....and yet they didn't do it. For 2 of the people, not following that calling was creating situations where they felt stuck or unhappy. For the other person, not following his calling resulted in a life-changing circumstance. These callings weren't about following their passions in their work life (matter of fact, all of them are doing just that!), but were instead soul callings, where they felt themselves being internally drawn/called to do something new. Things that, on the surface, felt frightening because the urgings were requiring them to let go of something old & comfortable. To leave a job. To tell a secret. To be sexually adventurous. To end a relationship. To ask for what they needed.
But the thing about "losing" is this--we never really lose anything. Something more tailored always comes a long--a situation, a person, a lesson--that is just the thing you need to help you grow into a fuller/deeper/higher version of you. But when you're in the transition phase, it just feels like you're losing out on the thing you're familiar with to walk into something unknown...where being supported doesn't feel like a guarantee. Life is always calling you to evolve & pushing you toward something greater--I just believe that our souls are wired that way. So it's actually harder to ignore a call than to answer it because the thing about questions is, they never go away. Think you can move to a new city to escape it? Here comes the question right behind you. Think you can drown it out with an engagement ring? The question will be right there at the alter. Think you can just keep your head down & try to make yourself just BE okay? Well the question will be the 2nd (or 3rd!) person getting in bed with you every night. Because the questions/longings/urgings are there for a reason.
I question myself about this all of the time--not in a judgemental way, but as a check in. Am I here because I want to be? Is this really what I want to do? Am I trying to avoid the thing I KNOW I need to do? Because I know I won't lie to myself about the answer. I'd be untruthful if I said that I always leap the minute a new opportunity appears because I don't--I feel afraid sometimes too. But for me, I see my fears as signs of the things that I MUST do next because my beliefs remind me that there's really nothing to be afraid of. And I'm not talking about the "don't go down that alley" fear, but the "don't take THAT client/write THAT article/tell THAT story" kinda fears...the false kind. I know those signs are markers for my next evolution and I try my damndest to do just that.
I remember the questions that ate away at me in both of my relationships & the more I tried to drown them out, the louder the noise got. And as the noise got louder it just tainted everything that was once beautiful because staying with someone/in a job/in a city/in a friendship where your BODY is actually telling you you don't belong just robs you of the desire to remember what was once so good about it. You deserve better--and the other person/job/location deserves someone who wants to be there as well. And in that way, it's harder to ignore a call than to answer it. If something is calling you, know that it's there for a reason. The call is really a glimmer of something greater that could be possible for you....if you allow it to be so.
image via blackcitygirl.com