THIS IS MY WHY.

When I was 22 I was in a relationship with someone who told me my hands looked like "slave hands".

It was said as a "joke" but he didn't mean this as a term of endearment...and I certainly didn't receive it as one. It was many years later before I was able to call it what it really was--a comment meant to be funny at the expense of my self esteem. Keep in mind this was someone I'd known for a very long time. Someone who said he loved me. Someone I shared a bed & my body with. Someone who wanted to be my husband. Can you imagine what it's like to be in relationship with someone who helps you dislike parts of your body that you didn't even know were up for critique?? I pray to God you never have to find out.

It was easy to walk away pointing the finger at all of his faults but many years later it hit me--he was never my real issue. It was me all along. My issue was that I wasn't appalled enough to leave at the first signs of bad behavior. That I didn't throw him the deuces when he casually mentioned that an ex-girlfriend (whom we both had restraining orders against) was prettier than me. And that I didn't bounce when he squeezed his hands around my neck in a fit of rage one summer afternoon. Did he have his own issues? Absolutely. But they were his to uncover & heal--his and his alone. But what makes still makes me cry for that young woman is that she didn't KNOW BETTER. That no one specifically taught her about the depth of her worth but instead, like most young women, assumed she knew because she fit a few superficial social markers: she came from an educated family with "good jobs". She went to GATE schools and took AP classes. She was exposed to different cultures and experienced the luxury of traveling to new horizons. But those things didn't automatically translate into knowledge of self because, as I can now confirm with all certainty, job titles, social classifications & educational degrees don't mean shit when it comes to  recognizing your own worth. So she made up her own rules as she went along. She thought holding onto her virginity, getting a Spelman degree & having the courage to speak her mind made her someone special...someone of value. She didn't understand that we don't BECOME special--that there is nothing we can do to BE special because every single one of us is special by sheer virtue of being alive. The only thing "specialness" requires is breath in your body. It would take her many, many years to understand that...and to learn to let go of the things she'd been holding onto that were never hers to carry in the first place.

When I talk about Personal Empowerment, it comes a deeply personal place. It's not just a rallying cry for me--it's how I've made sense of my life experiences and it's the gift that's enabled me to take painful stories & transform them into teachable lessons...both for myself and for others. It's helped me heal and tell a different story about so many situations I've experienced. But do not be fooled--the Dayka you see now is someone I've had to intentionally GROW INTO over the years. I was the girl who never really felt like she fit in with the other kids. I was the girl who was never "chosen" by the popular guys. I wasn't having sex, didn't cut class (mama did NOT play that) and didn't drink or smoke weed. I was just there, in plain sight, desperately wanting to be seen. So I spent the early part of my life trying to be different than who I naturally was because I didn't feel like I was good enough with my brown skin, "weird" name, "broken" family, assertive personality and borderline "acceptable" address (being one of only a few black girls in my classes throughout elementary, middle & high school didn't help, either). And because I didn't feel like I fit in, I tried to find ways to make myself smaller than I was because...well, that's just what we do when we think there's something wrong with who we are--we try to find ways to blend in & disappear. Why? Because I didn't know my own worth. I thought my success lie in trying to shave down my edges & round off my corners instead of uncovering new ways to accentuate those unique features. Eventually--and luckily--I found my way though.

And here's why I'm sharing all of this with you:

The early part of my life had to be exactly what it was so that it could prepare me to become who I am today (and who I'm yet growing into). Yes, I'm a designer but I'm also a woman who's incredibly passionate about personal responsibility and self empowerment, especially as it pertains to women.  Why? Because we are often taught--and even encouraged--to shrink. Don't be too confident. Don't talk too much. Don't curse. Pull your skirt down. Be nice. Keep the kids well dressed. Make a fresh meal every night. Look like you did at 17. Polish your nails. Be agreeable. Don't intimidate a man. Don't talk too much about your accomplishments. Put some earrings on. Keep the house clean. Take pride in "keeping your man". Be sweet. Don't ask for too much. Be a freak in bed. Make sure your pedicure is on point. Keep a Brazilian. Be humble. Wait your turn. Don't sleep with too many men. Get along with the group. Don't be so assertive. Be grateful you have a man. Look pretty. Don't be a know-it-all. And be quiet. OMG, it's straight up exhausting! And when we grow up being bombarded with these messages, it dulls our ability to trust in ourselves & our natural instincts. And let me tell you, a lack of trust never, ever turns out well. In any situation.

We learn to shrink at home, we learn it in school, we learn it from our fathers, brothers & boyfriends, we learn it from our mothers, colleagues at work & women in our social circles. But it's time to start unlearning some of that stuff if you truly intend on embodying your highest vision of yourself. And here's the catch: only you can do this unlearning for yourself. It is not your parent's job, your best friend's job or your spouse's responsibility to make you feel good about who you really are. That is purely an inside job, my little sugar muffin. Making someone responsible for your wholeness is too much power to give any one person (or group of people) over your life. And once I really understood this--realizing that I didn't have to wait for other people to change because I could change MYSELF, a whole new world opened up to me. There may have been certain things I feel like I didn't learn in childhood but those very things have become my platform NOW (Looka Gawd!). To remember that at ALL times, it is not only my right but my responsibility to EMPOWER MYSELF. To make choices that are soul affirming. To stand in my power at all times and not hand it over to someone else. To fill in my own gaps and not expect someone else to do it for me. And to remember that the only things I really need are the things that come from within.

So back to him. If I had truly known my worth from the beginning, we wouldn't have been together in the first place. And that's the real truth--it's the responsibility that I OWN about my involvement in that relationship. And once I had the courage to be honest with myself & acknowledge that I simply PUT UP with too much for too long because I didn't know better, something just shifted. I was able to release him from the story I'd been telling (his fault! his fault! his fault!) and start to do the work that really mattered--my own. Is it easier--and more socially acceptable--to blame him for the negative parts of our experience? Of course--because society tends to love a "he done me wrong" narrative. But taking responsibility does not look like me regurgitating all of the ways I thought he fell short or pointing out all of the ways I thought he should have shown up better. Instead, it means asking one simple question:

What was it about you that made you decide that kind of behavior was okay in the first place??

And answering that question, my friends, is where the real work starts.

There was a time many years ago when I didn't know better but now I do. And I want you to know better, too.

This is my Why.

WHY AWFUL CLIENTS ARE GREAT FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

Awful clients.

The ones that want you to give them everything, at the highest quality, but then nickel & dime the budget. The ones that hire you to do a job but don't trust you to actually DO the job. The ones who won't acknowledge that they don't know what the hell they want. The I-already-know-how-this-works-because-I've done-this-before people (except that they don't know how it works) and the can-you-do-it for-cheaper? folks. Ridiculous turnaround times, unrealistic expectations, clients who think they can do your job better than you, & clients who just want to use you for your resources--these folks can quickly become an entrepreneur's worst nightmare.

Whether you're a Photographer, Graphic Designer, Personal Trainer, Copywriter, Fashion Stylist, Videographer, Baker, Producer, PR guru, Interior Designer or any other kind of creative business owner, you'll probably encounter one of these people at some point during the life of your business. Do I hope that they never--EVER--cross your path? Of course. But the reality is that they probably WILL show up along your entrepreneurial journey because they're there to teach you how to show up more fully in your business. Knowing them will raise your blood pressure, create tons of physical stress & almost make you were sitting in an office cubicle instead of crafting a career you love...but these people can be really great for your business if you can learn what they're really trying to teach you.Let me explain.

Over the course of my 5.5 years in design, I've probably had 3 clients who I'd put in the no-matter-what-happens-please-absolutely-never-ever-call-my-line-again category. Some as recently as 2015. With two of the projects there came a point where I thought, "there's not enough money you could pay me that would make this a pleasant-enough experience to continue"--too many changes to the scope, too many fluxuations in the budget & not enough trust to execute the project in a way that would make this collaborative design process fun. And for awhile I did what we normally do in these cases--complain to family & close friends about what an absolute hemorrhoid these people had become. But that quickly got old. And I knew deep down that they weren't just there to get on my nerves but that they (and my experiences with them) could teach me something, if I changed my perspective.Because all the "awful clients" are really doing is showing you where you need to "tighten up" in your biz--where you need to be more specific in your contracts, raise your prices, eliminate some services or set clearer personal & professional boundaries.

So I did. And here's what I realized: that in the beginning of my career, as a fresh & bright-eyed designer, I'd constructed an ideal client profile that consisted of something like this: Good eye.Great budget. And that was pretty much it. What I most wanted were clients with a good eye for design who'd let me execute my vision + a sufficient-enough budget ($10k & up) with which to execute said design. They should "benice", "be cool" and "be flexible". And when I found those people, I was straight up overjoyed. But now that I've had time to develop as a designer, expand my professional interests, work with a variety of clients & grow as a person (read: I've acquired some skin in the game),that short list doesn't cut it anymore.Not if I intend to continue doing work I love, for people I love working with.

Here's the invaluable insight The Awfuls have helped me realize: I'm no longer willing to settle for clients with just "good money & good style" and I can no longer focus on the traditional quantitative demographics like age, education level, marital status, family makeup & income level to identify the people I most want to work with(categories we entrepreneurs are traditionally taught to use). Instead, I've shifted to a Values-Based Client Profilewhich means I care more about WHO my clients are and what THEY value then what they're bringing to the table.TheAwfuls have schooled me on this:  My ideal/targeted clients are people with a high level of personal integrity--ones who take responsibility for their behavior. They're people who value my time as a professional & who understand that Interior Design is a professional luxury service. These people trust the process of design and understand that there's no one size fits all design approach. My ideal clients believe in the importance of self-care & view the creation of a beautiful home as an extension of their well-being. They communicate authentically, are decisive, have a great sense of humor & genuinely want to work with a designer. Do I still want them to have a stylish eye & enough of a budget to execute their wishes? Absolutely. But I don't worry about those things because they're encompassed within the values/standards I set regarding the people I want to work with. Because someone who understands that Interior Design is a professional luxury service would never belittle me or themselves by asking me to render a service for less than it's value. Someone who really wants to work with a designer will give me the freedom & trust to work my magic and create something jaw dropping for them. Someone with a high level of personal integrity is honest about their budget upfront. See what I mean?

Here's another example: If you're an "artisanal croissant maker", your client is not "anyone who can afford $2.25 for a piece of bread". It's someone who LOVES a delicious buttery & flakey croissant. Someone who will find a bakeshop they love & drive 20 minutes clear across town on a Sunday morning to read the New York Times & have a croissant because it's their "thing"--an act of self-love. It's someone who believes in the value of knowing where their food comes from. High quality butter.Locally grown ingredients. Developing relationships with the people who make their food. A person who believes that not just anyone can make "good bread".  If you're a croissant artisan or specialty bread maker, your clients are not "anybody who will buy a croissant"--you want the people who appreciate the value of the service you're providing. And if you really love what you do, you should want the same thing, too.

I'm not implying that when you encounter The Awfuls that it automatically means you need better people--that was just one of my lessons. I've also learned that if I have a misunderstanding with a client it's probably a sign that I need to update my contract & make sure the major details are in writing. And I've learned that I needed to stop giving clients discounts that they didn't ask for because giving without explaining the true value of the discount means they won't understand the value of the service they're receiving. And because of that, they will ride me bareback (not to mention that clients who want a discount should AT LEAST have the balls to ask for one).  Because I've had the ability to create my own path, I intend to work with the kind of people I genuinely want to be around. Think about these questions with regard to your biz: For whom are you making your product? How do you want your clients to interact with YOU? Who do you want them to be in their personal lives? What does investing in your product mean that they value?? I NEVER would this kind of clarity about my business & my tribe if it hadn't been for The Awfuls. When I got fed up enough & realized I never wanted to work with those kind of people again, it gave me the push to figure out the kind of people I DO want to work with, which has made all the difference. And it's also why I don't really believe in "awful clients"--I just see them as the guides who show us where we aren't in alignment with who we really are & what we really want. All they're really here to do is point you towards greater happiness....so acknowledge what you need to change & go change it. 'Cause your best work is still waiting for you.

ALL ABOUT BALI...AND I'M LAUNCHING A PODCAST!

I'm back....and with exciting news!

But before I get to that, let me start with what you REALLY wanna know. Bali was indeed a trip for the memory vault. It stretched me in so many ways (different from my trip to Istanbul) and so much of what I learned will benefit me not only as I continue to travel more & more, but as I take increasingly broader steps in life. It was different than I expected: the flight was no joke (OMG, my feet swelled so bad on the flight over/flight back, yikes), the weather was H.O.T and the wifi was spotty but I met some incredibly inspiring souls, had some of the most deep & insightful conversations, saw a really beautiful (really beautiful) man for about 15 minutes ANNNDD got to experience an extended layover in Seoul, Korea (Omg, I still can't believe that I WENT TO BALI!!!). There were so many lessons & stories (plus a few attitude adjustments for me!) and though I tried to share a good amount through my Instagram & Facebook pages, it was impossible to get it all out so......I'm launching a podcast!!!

Dayka Robinson's Powercast Logo

It's called The Powercast with Dayka Robinson and is all about claiming your power + lessons on love, life entrepreneurship and beyond. This has been something I've wanted to do for awhile & my trip to Bali set up the perfect opportunity to launch with the telling of some of my stories and experiences there. The first episode is all about my Lessons From Bali and is perfect for anyone who wants to know more about my experiences on the island during my 2.5 week vacation and the powerful lessons I learned from traveling solo to Indonesia. And if you just wanna know more about how I think in general, this will give you some insight. Hearing people talk about their experiences is so different than reading about them so I hope you'll enjoy this new format--it's going live tomorrow! 

So in lieu of a long blogpost and in preparation for the podcast, here are a few pics & stories from my travels...

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-10

It took me 28.5 hours of flying time to get to Bali--and that doesn't include my airport layover time! Atl to Washington DC, DC to NYC, NYC to LAX, LAX to Sydney, Sydney to Denpasar, Bali. Sound crazy? You're right...but then again, so was the price of my roundtrip airline ticket! You'll have to listen to my podcast to find exactly how much I paid (jaw-dropping)!

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-4

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Sticky Rice 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud 2016 Paradise

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-11

Stacie, the friend I was linked with by my beloved college roommate. We immediately had a connection & hit it off like old girlfriends (and we talked about this podcast, too. Hey Stacie!)! I would've been perfectly fine on my own, but I'm SO GLAD I was able to meet a great friend and have someone on the same path

to break bread with during my trip. A welcomed surprise indeed!

Dayka Robinson Indonesia Bali Ubud Solo International Travel Black Woman 2016 Fruit Salad

Breakfast with fruit salad EVERY morning!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Daily Offering Balinese 2016

The Balinese put out offerings with incense twice a day (maybe more?) so you see these on the ground everywhere you go--homes, restaurants, retail shops, temples, etc. It's considered extremely disrespectful to step on one so in addition to maneuvering through the crowded sidewalk traffic and watching out for motorbike & cars (especially when I'm accustomed to the other side of the road), you have to watch where you step, too! Still, I loved the signs of daily devotion everywhere I went.

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Paradise Room 2016

There are 3 places for guests to rent at this residence and I stayed in 2 of them (Click here to see this AirBNB listing and here to see the 1 bedroom). The breakfast was delish (and so filling), the infinity pool was gorg (deeper than most you'll find on the island) and the owners dropped me off wherever I wanted to go in town which easily saved about $10 USD each day ($5 going, $5 back). Ooh. And they also, they made these soyabean patties for breakfast that were so yum...I'll be on the lookout for those here. $30/night for this little gem (plus tasty local treats restocked each day!). 

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Moneky Forrest 2016

The infamous Monkey Forrest. Do you follow me on Instagram?? If not, you'll want to head over to hear the background (and see the pics!) from this story. One & done for me!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Nyepi 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali Indonesia Solo Travel Black Woman 2016

A pic from the 3rd place I stayed (see my Air BNB accommodation here). Breakfast every morning on this patio overlooking the rice paddies & a wonderful candlelight lunch/dinner on Nyepi 2016. Loved this place!

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Baliense Temple Ubud 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali 2016-1

I found the most wonderful place to stay when I first made it to the island. When I'm searching for places on Air BNB I tend to save a ton of places to my wish list and then pay attention to the ones that keep drawing me in. There was a reason that this one kept coming up for me...it ended up being the perfect place to start my journey. (See more here) 

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Dr. Melva Green 2016

Dr. Melva Green from A&E's Hoarders. She's a friend of a friend and lives in Bali part time so we were able to link up during my time on the island as well. Kismet!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud 2016-2

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Ogoh Ogoh parade Nyepi 2016

Ogoh Ogoh preparations for Nyepi Day 2016...

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-2

The site of the famous Luwak coffee "plantation". I'm not a coffee drinker, but the taste is supposed to be incredible and get this....it'smade from the poo-poo of the Luwak, which is acat-like animal. Sounds crazy but people always make the long trek to taste this coffee. It's also the most expensive coffee in the world. Doo Doo.Coffee.Yum. Down your throat. Expensive. (that sums up this paragraph)

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Incheon Seoul Korea 2016

Seoul, Korea--my layover that was long enough to take in some tours!

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-3

My first time EVER in a waterfall. I wanted to strip down to my birthday suit and frolic with my man in the water but I don't have a man....and it was NOT the place to be naked, so none of those dreams happened. This spot was great but OMG, that climb back up the mountain was no joke. I thought I was gonna have an asthma attack....and I don't even have asthma.

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-6

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-5

I love going to the international grocery stores and seeing the different foods that are on the shelf. Lays is apparently sleeping on us in the US because they have a MILLION flavors of potato chips that they don't have here. Salmon Teriyaki! Grilled Paprika Chicken! Nori Seaweed! I'm not a Lay's potato chip person but I had to try the Salmon Teriyaki and it wasn't bad (tasted a bit like seaweed paper to me).

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-8

My kismet connection from Big Lots!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Incheon Seoul Korea-2 2016

More from Seoul, Korea.

Are you familiar with Air BNB? If not, you should be. It's one of my favorite sites to use for booking my accommodations when I travel...even in the US! Leave your email in the comments if you'd like me to send you an invite--you'll be glad you checked it out!

22 DAYS.

22.

Alone that number doesn't mean much but in context, it represents a huge milestone in my life, because it's the amount of vacation days I took this year. 

Yup. Twenty. Two. Days. Of. Vacation. (shut up!!!!)

And I'm talking for real vacation, not that stay at home thing. That's basically a whole month of vacation, doing, living & moving as I want to. And it may not seem like a big deal to you but here's what it means to me: that the girl who graduated college not knowing what she wanted to do, bounced around from job to job, decided to follow a curiosity for which there really wasn't a path, built her own business while often feeling around in the dark, hit some personal speed bumps, and questioned whether she was doing the right thing but kept showing up--on her own terms--anyhow, can create a life where she gets 22 days of vacation in one year, then I'm pretty sure that you can do it too. I promise we're not that different.

So in the spirit of honesty, I looked back at my 2015 post written as my 2016 self and you'll see that I specifically said I was doing more traveling AND going on more vacations this year so it's not like I didn't claim it. But even then, I didn't really believe that it was possible likethis, for me. Sure everyone talks about taking "real vacations" and where they would go if they could but the reality is, we Americans tend to use our vacation days for things like handling important personal business, sick days or intermittent 3-day weekends. Not for taking care of self. As the year started progressing and Istanbul became a possibility, I said over & over that I wanted to spend more time traveling and once I did, it seemed like everywhere I looked I was being shown how possible it was. I started receiving newsletters with flight deals and following sites like Travel Noire that ramped up my desire. You've already read the story but my ticket to Istanbul? I found that deal in the wee hours of the morning after checking one of those sites on a whim. Next thing you know, I was across the world having the time of my life for a fraction of what it could've cost me with a group. BAM.

But let me not make this post about the deals.What I want to share (and celebrate) is this milestone of mine in the context of what it means to be an entrepreneur, self-employed, and to have the luxury of almost one month of vacation. There were times in these past 5 years when I didn't know how I would make it financially. When I wasn't sure what I was doing in my business. When my house seemed more like an albatross around my neck than my perfect refuge from the world. When I was all panicky like, "OMG, am I ever gonna go on vacation again??". And then all of the sudden I look up and here's 2015, dangling weeks of vacation in my face like "Heyyyyy girl, c'mon...". And you know what? These vacation days were actually work days for me (stay with me here). Not in the rolling-my-eyes-cause-I-don't-wanna-do-this kinda work but the who-I-am-and-what-I-do-are-so-in-alignment-that-work-is-my-life way. Traveling has given me content (substance). It's allowed me to not only connect with fellow travelers & people I met along my journey, but to connect with my tribe (that's YOU) in a deeper way. To expand my life and encourage you to expand yours, too. And that's really the work I want to be doing.

Pardon my brag moment but I'm pretty damn proud of this!! It's a reminder that when all of the ups & downs are weighed, I've had a better life taking a chance on me than I ever had as a 9-5 employee. There are new dreams on the horizon now + new fires burning and it helps to be reminded that I've already done so much more on my own than I ever did chained to a standard office job. And you know what else? The things I most desire are truly desiring me--just not in the way or time that I think they should. I wrote that post in January and effectively forgot about it after the first quarter. But that international vacation & those passport stamps I mentioned?They were hunting me down even in my "forgetfulness". 

So I think I've got the hang of this thing now.

Next year I'm claiming more than double which may sound crazy to you but....watch it happen.

22 days in 2015.I'm geeked. 

AMERICA BY AMTRAK: MY CALIFORNIA ZEPHYR CROSS COUNTRY EXPERIENCE

It takes a certain kind of person to want to travel cross country by train.

There are some places you'll go, people you'll meet and things you'll see that will awaken you to the fact that you're far from home (perspectives differ greatly across this country)...and yet remind you that this vast country IS your home. You'll get to ride through a million little Heartland towns--ones you'd probably miss if you routed yourself cross country in a car. But most importantly, there's all the time you'll have to simply relax. Be rocked to sleep by the train as it runs across the rails. Cozy up with a book you've been meaning to read. Watch a movie. Stretch your legs. And just be alone in your thoughts. In comfort. Huge reclining seats with elevated footrests (and I mean reclining, not like that 2 degree airplane recline). Window curtains for the sleepy hours. Comfy lounge chairs, end tables & dining tables in the Observation Car for the times when you wanna just hang out. Food on demand (for a fee). I mean, seriously--what's not to love about riding the rails??! Long distance train travel definitely isn't for the "I-wanna-hurry-up-and-get-there" crowd--riding Amtrak is all about creating a deliberate experience though new meeting people, engaging in wide-ranging conversations, and enjoying a slower/less hectic pace of travel. And if you're into that kinda thing, then I'm telling you--you need to book yourself a ticket in 2016.

Dayka Robinson Amtrak California Zephyr 2015

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Dayka Robinson Amtrak California Zephyr 2015 Colorado

So first things first: Amtrak. My adventure was fantastic--everything I hoped it would be (except longer!)! I flew up to Washington D.C. the day prior to my departure and then traveled from DC to Chicago on the Capitol Limited (via Coach, since I couldn't justify paying an additional $300 for a 15 hour ride). I did some research before I left & learned that Amtrak runs the A/C year-round in each car so it can get chilly at night....and if there's one thing I really don't like it's being cold while I slumber, so I came prepared with a plush throw blanket + pillow packed in my carry on. It was by no means freezing, but I wouldn't have wanted to be without my goodies, either. :-) When I arrived in Chicago the next morning, I decided to make the most of of my 5.5 hour layover by checking my luggage & exploring the city. In DC I'd originally planned to visit the new Smithsonian National Museum of African American History & Culture but didn't get the memo that the Grand Opening isn't until February 2016. As luck would have it, while reading Ebony on the plane ride over I ran across an ad for an exhibit on David Adjaye at the Art Institute of Chicago. David is actually the architect of the new Smithsonian museum (Adjaye Associates) so it made for a perfect plan--I'd make a beeline for the museum once I was settled and see as much as possible. I checked my luggage, did a quick walking tour of the city, then headed for the Art Institute when it opened.

Dayka Robinson, Art Institute of Chicago 2015

Dayka Robinson David Adjaye Smithsonian National Museum African American History, Art Institute of Chicago 2015

(A model of the actual Smithsonian museum)

Dayka Robinson David Adjaye exhibit, Art Institute Chicago 12:2015

Seeing the notes, sketches, renderings & models of David's projects over the last 15 years was an incredibly in-depth way to learn about his work. I was bummed about missing the museum in DC but as a creative--having the opportunity to intimately explore the process of a fellow creative is priceless! And this unexpected experience is one of the things I love about traveling solo & leaving wiggle room in your plans--you can always find a way to take advantage of your layovers and get out to see something new! If you travel with an open mind, the journey will always lead to an adventure . I never would've known this much about his body of work had I missed the exhibit so it was definitely time well spent! I ended my Chicago tour with some deep dish pizza (not a fan!) and then Uber'd back to the station just in time for my next departure.

Amtrak California Zephyr Roomette 2015

(Two seats facing each other that turn into a bed at night + an upper bunk for a second traveler, extra gear, etc. Your Amtrak attendant will make your bed every night around 8-9pm!)

Dayka Robinson Amtrak California Zephyr 2015

Dayka Robinson Amtrak California Zephyr 2015-2

Once I boarded the California Zephyr in Chicago I settled into my Sleeper Car and was introduced to Al, my Sleeping Car Attendant, who provided service all the way to California. Traveling by train isn't the standard mode of travel anymore and I'm so glad I did it with my own room. Private quarters, separate bathrooms, showers, individual temperature controls,  breakfast, lunch & dinner in the dining car included (omg, I ate like they were forcing me to!), meal service in your room (if you so choose)--everything was covered. Going First Class isn't cheap but let me tell you, it's worth your pennies for the longer rides! I sat in my Roomette as the train pulled away from the station and seriously felt giddy (which is a word I rarely use). I felt like a boss for pulling this trip off, not because it was so "difficult" but because one day I decided to fulfill a dream of riding the train cross country & a few weeks later I booked myself a ticket and did it! Traveling to Istanbul opened my eyes to how much there is to experience in this world & how easy it is to make travel a priority and I promise--since I've awakened to that fact (and made a decision to GO!), opportunities are coming at every turn. The last few months have been hectic & filled with work and I'm learning that I don't function well with stress, so this trip was just the break that I needed. I loved sitting in the Observation Car late at night with my blanket, reading in the silence and lying in bed, watching Colorado fly by, felt like I was being transported back in time (Al would joke with me, "Are you gonna get up??" LMAO).  The people that I met (those whose names I remember!) each defined specific sections on my trip--Dr. Larry in Iowa, Danny from Chicago, Najla & Michael from San Francisco, Adam in Colorado, the ticket agent in Grand Junction. And you know what I talked about with these people? Deep stuff, like taking care of your money so your money takes care of you. Medical school. God. Religion. Marriage. Blended families. Amtrak. Politics. Freighthopping. Choosing not to have children. They all let me into their lives in intimate ways that you can only do with strangers and they're the kinda connections I live for.

Dayka Amtrak California Zephyr Observation Car

When the train pulled into Reno I decided to jump off to surprise my BFF, stay the night and catch the next train out the following day. I ended the Zephyr in Sacramento (spent my layover at the California State Railroad Museum which was the perfect use of time) then rode a different train down to Fresno, where I grew up, for what was supposed to be a one night layover (more on that later). If I have any complaints about my trip it was that it wasn't long enough. I was constantly torn between hanging out in the Observation Car meeting people vs lying in bed & reading so an additional day on my trip would've been perfect. Would I do it again? Absolutely, except next time I'd go from New York to San Francisco, New Orleans to Montreal or San Diego to Vancouver. You can say I'm addicted, partly because I love the train and partly because this kind of travel just changes who you are. Once you've traveled somewhere new--especially when you're doing something that stretches you beyond your comfort zone--you can NEVER go back to being who you were when you left.  Completing this trip gave me the courage to book one of my dream trips....you're gonna die when you find out where I'm going next.

Until then, I took a few of my 67 videos (LOL) and made them into a little montage of my trip. Click below to see!

HOW I BECAME AN INTERIOR DESIGNER (& why awful jobs can be good for you): PART II

I'm finally detailing my journey to becoming an Interior Designer through the careers I've attempted and the lessons I've learned along the way. Click here to readPart I of How I Became an Interior Designer

LESSON #4: PLAY TO YOUR STRENGHTS

Here was the problem with Real Estate--I didn't like to hard sell people on anything. Buying a home is a big investment and my thought was if you want it, you should buy it. You should NOT buy a home, however, because I talked you into doing so. I didn't like having to call people up and pester them about whether they or their friends wanted to buy/sell their homes in 7 days--it actually made me uncomfortable, partly because there was too much small talk involved (I don't really do small talk). I tend to be a pretty decisive person, so working with clients who were incredibly indecisive didn't feel empowering....it just felt like an energy suck. It was Divine Guidance that those I-know-what-I-want-and-I'm-ready-to-buy-right-now clients never came to me--I didn't sell a single house during those months at my real estate brokerage & in hindsight I'm thankful that I didn't. If I had, it definitely would've encouraged me to "try harder" to make that job work instead of moving towards something better. One of my strengths was my confidence & passion about the things I believed in but I found that I was neither confident nor passionate about selling real estate. So instead of trying to strengthen one of my "weaknesses"...I moved in the direction of my strengths.

LESSON #5: PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT'S ALL AROUND YOU

Which brought me back to my house. By now, renovations on my 1984 fixer upper were in full swing. Prior to moving in I'd repainted the interior (which was originally pink!), removed all of the old carpet and updated the entire first floor with bamboo flooring to get the place in livable shape. Having purchased a house with SO many projects to complete I religiously read design & renovation magazines to get inspiration for my projects and devoured them like wildfire. Even though money was tight, working on my house became a mini obsession.

Late one night I stumbled across a blog and...itessentially changed my life. It was 2009 and I'd never seen a blog before (didn't even know what one was!), but I stayed up all night reading page after page of decorating & lifestyle posts. And then I clicked on a link and found another person sharing about her life & DIY projects and I.was.hooked. What was this fascinating little online world where people built community by sharing the details of their lives??! After a few weeks of spending countless hours a day reading blogs I started thinking that maybe I could do it, too. I wasn't sure that anyone would read what I had to say but I still figured, "Why not??". I reserved a name on blogspot.com (Meditations on Life & Style--which I thought was VERY cool at the time) and on May 28, 2009 I wrote my very first blog post (read it here). When I started blogging I wasn't sure what I was going to write about...but I kept going anyhow. I took advantage of all the extra space in my new house & went back to refinishing furniture as I had done in my first apartment. One day I decided to start sharing those DIY refinishing projects on my blog and it took off. As my refinishing skills increased I started selling my furniture online (Craigslist, Etsy & later, One Kings Lane) and then readers started emailing me & asking for design help. By November 2010--only 18 months after penning my first blogpost--I officially launched Dayka Robinson Designs and the rest, as they say, is (documented) history.

So as you can see, my path to Interior Design was far from straight. I "tried on a lot of hats" before I found something that fit and during those years I felt a ton of confusion, frustration & despair at my "inability" to find my way. Let me clearly acknowledge this because I don't think enough of us do: it sucks not having something to pour your heart into especially when that's the one thing you want most in the world (and I don't mean someone). So many of us are raised to "just get a respectable job" and when you couple that with the desire to do basic, normal things like live independently, own a car, treat yourself to a nice dinner and pay your bills on time, the pressure to settle for the first job offering a little bit of money is REAL...even though you know you're gonna suffocate. This road (following your heart) isn't the easiest road because much of the path is built as you walk it & no two paths look exactly the same. It is, however, the most rewarding by far. And when you have the courage to walk away from jobs (situations/people) that don't fit & continue seeking out your next true thing, you'll look back and find that you've gained an intangible education that money couldn't buy. All of those "awful jobs"?? If you keep going you'll eventually find that they all played in your favor because each one taught you something valuable about yourself or confirmed with all certainty what not to do. And even the perceived "setbacks" are a step forward--this game is a marathon, not a sprint.

In my years of searching I learned that: (1) How I feel about the work I do matters. (2) Working in a supportive environment is important. (3) If it ain't right, it ain't right. (4) Play to my strengths and (5) Pay attention to what's all around me. And you know what? Today these lessons are are as true as they ever were. They served me years ago to help find my way to interior design and now they're helping me to create an even larger vision--a holistic business that I'm incredibly proud of and excited for. 7 years ago I NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS would've predicted I'd be a successful Interior Designer....and yet by Grace, here I am. I say this all of the time but only because I believe it so deeply: whatever is calling you, run towards it as if your life depended on it. Because it does.

It's your road and yours alone. Others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you.(Rumi)

Click here to read Part I of my journey

image via Hilary Maloney

HOW I BECAME AN INTERIOR DESIGNER (& why awful jobs can be good for you): PART I

NEWSFLASH: I was just your average college student. I'm a proud Spelman Woman but I didn't really showcase my aptitude in school (though I had a great time!). I remember graduating and feeling a bit of a panic, not knowing "what I was going to do with my life" because I hadn't followed a traditional path. While most everyone I knew spent their summers in great internships or studying abroad, I was home & hanging out with friends, working at Outback Steakhouse--far removed from cool companies or groundbreaking research. After graduating a little behind schedule, I started working for Kroger corporate and found myself smack dab in the middle of job purgatory. My California experience was great but upon transferring to Atlanta & approaching the 1 year mark, quickly it became a job that sucked the life out of me. Three of us worked in a teeny tiny office on the second floor of a warehouse made of cinder blocks with zero exterior windows. Each desk faced a wall. I remember I used to dread Saturdays because it meant that the next night I'd have to get ready to go right back to work (and you know your job sucks when you're dreading Saturday nights). When my manager pulled me aside one day to tell me that I "needed to stop talking about my upcoming graduation around the office because it was flaunting it in the face of everyone else who didn't have a degree" (people who were all at least 15 years older than me), I knew it was time to go and I did.

In hindsight, there were some great things about that job though. Not only did it get me back to  Atlanta (and cover some of my tuition) but I also got to know some really great guys who worked in the grocery/freezer warehouses on the facility. Guys that, after my having only worked there a few months, banded together to help me move into my new furniture-less apartment. And since I was determined to make that house a home, I spent the weekend before & after my move scouring thrift stores for gently loved furniture and casegoods that I could refinish & re-love. I had no idea at the time that this "thrifting phase" would play such a huge role in my life as I moved forward. I tried to hold out at that job as long as I could but around the 1 year mark I decided that it was time to go.  Before I left I'd started thinking a lot about what I could do/wanted to do next and I knew I wanted something that would be interesting & exciting with a lot more freedom. Hair & beauty was the thing that I was into at the time and it was seemed like a really fun and creative career so you know what? I bit the bullet and enrolled in hair school.

Lesson # 1: HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE WORK YOU DO MATTERS.

Lesson #2: WORKING IN A SUPPORTIVE ENVIROMENT IS IMPORTANT.

Let me tell you what I loved about hair school:that I could be myself. For the first time in my life I found myself in an environment where the most successful people I knew were actually making money by being themselves. Wild hair? Cool. Tattoos? Fabulous. Piercings in your lip? No one cared. Hair school wasn't about how you dressed or what college you went to but solely about skill. There were some things I didn't take to (strict rules & set schedule), but what really made me feel free was the creative aspect of it all--the environment was charged with an energy of creativity.  It's the first place I learned that if you carry yourself like an expert, people will believe you're one. Having a creative outlet & being able to wear what I wanted were things that I loved....but after logging hundreds of hours learning the technicaI skills, it became apparent that I really didn't want to stand up and "do hair" all of my life after all. My feet were sore from standing all day, I wasn't that great at small talk and I didn't want to discuss the finer points of pop culture day in & day out (clearly all stylists don't experience this but I believe it was my experience because I wasn't supposed to be there). After working in a salon for a few months I realized that I was more suited to be a salon manager than a stylist (another clue!), but even that wasn't something that I wanted to pursue with reckless abandon. So once I completed my hours to graduate, I just stopped trying to force it. I didn't think I was good enough to be a stylist...but it wasn't my self-critical nature that turned me away: I simply didn't have a passion for the job. I caught some flack and felt ashamed that I'd "wasted" that money but it just wasn't going to be a good fit in the long run. I never took the State Boards to become a licensed cosmetologist or anything, I just stopped....and never looked back.

LESSON #3: IF IT AIN'T RIGHT....IT AIN'T RIGHT. 

While I was working at the salon, my lease was ending and my father suggested I start looking for a home to purchase. I knew early on that I was looking for something that I could put my own stamp on--change the flooring here, mini bathroom renovation there.I liked the satisfaction that came with getting my hands a bit dirty and missed having an open space where I could paint & refinish thrift store furniture to my liking. I would search the home listings on my own, drive past the properties I liked and then send my realtor a final list of the homes I wanted to see inside of. We did that until I landed on a house I thought could be perfect and I promptly put in an offer, closed the deal and became a homeowner (2006). Closing on my house marked the end of my salon days but the beginning of a new career--Real Estate. It seemed like a shame to let everything I'd learned in my home buying process go to waste and I really liked looking at houses so I thought, "I could make a pretty good real estate agent".

I was a lot like Little Red Riding Hood in those days, desperately trying to find something that fit so I could have a career I could take pride in. Something where I'd feel stimulated, excited & engaged with work that I'd be proud to share with my friends & family. I simply refused to spend the majority of my waking hours endlessly complaining about a job. The thought of being miserable for 40 hours/week had me crying myself to sleep some nights because finding meaningful work was turning out to be harder than I'd thought.

CLICK HERE FOR PART TWO

HOW I TRAVELED TO ISTANBUL & PARIS ON $2000

8 days in Europe for around $2000??  It's absolutely possible and actually quite easy! My entire trip cost me under $2000 (I still have about 80 Euro in my wallet!) and is by far, one of the best investments I've ever made in myself. Here's what my trip actually cost:

Airfare $790. Istanbul accommodations $357. Culinary Tour $125. Paris Accommodations $150. Gifts $250. Entrance fees, books, jewelry, spices/teas/soaps, coat, personal                       items $270. Food $150. Transportation $139.Total $2231. (*yes it's over $2k but since the gifts weren't a necessity, this is doable for under $2k)

Here's what I did:

1. Stayed flexible. I knew I wanted to go in August since I'd originally planned to go with the group around the same time, but I wasn't set on any dates. When searching for the best flight deals, the key is to be flexible. If you're tied to specific months/flight times, it might be better to bite the bullet and pay for a regular ticket because the chances of finding exactly what you want at a price you can handle may be slim. Staying open--and allowing your plans to change accordingly--will grant you access to the best deals.

2. Used resources that were already available. There's really no need to reinvent the wheel because there are already TONS of sites across the web dedicated to travel deals--use them! My absolute favorite is Travel Noire through which I've found quite a few websites that can help you score a deal. One such site is The Flight Deal where I found my ticket at the beginning of July for my August departure. With taxes/fees plus the additional travel insurance I purchased (ALWAYS get travel insurance...don't skimp here!), my ticket came to $790 which is almost HALF OFF of what I'd found on my own. The ticket had been running around $1500 for months. The Flight Deal requires you to use ITA software matrix to get the codes for the best deals (you'll need to follow the directions as listed on The Flight Deal) but it's not that difficult & absolutely worth the time it takes to lock in the best deal. My ticket was booked through Priceline and I flew Delta which also allowed me to accumulate Skymiles for my trip, so my vacation is helping me earn a free ticket to go somewhere else, too. And sidetone: don't think you need to be 6 weeks out from departure to find a great deal--the earliest availability was actually for the end of July, but I couldn't make that itinerary work with my schedule.

3. Booked my accommodations through Air BNB.I am OBSESSED with this site! I'd heard of it for years but didn't use it until my trip to NYC last year when I wanted to stay on my own in the city, versus with friends/family. I immediately fell in love. If you love staying in a place that feels a little more like home, having access to personal restaurant/tourist recommendations from your host, and living in a neighborhood that gives you a more intimate experience of your destination, then Air BNB is right for you. You can share a space, rent a room or an entire home--whatever your preference according to what you'd like to spend! I've used this service 3 times now and I only rent an entire home when I travel since I don't want to think about coming in/out with another person there. I also pick my accommodations according to the number of reviews a listing has & only book places with a MINIMUM of (10) 5 star reviews.  Depending on your destination, the accommodations can be incredibly inexpensive, too.  I found this place in Istanbul which was close to Taksim Square, Galata Bridge, the Old City & Istikal Street for only $47/night. Yup, you read that right--$47/night, and since Istanbul sees a ton of tourist traffic in August, that's actually the high season rate (rates go as low as $37). Was my budget limited to $50/night? No--but it's great to know that traveling on a smaller budget is totally possible to do here. I did look at a few more expensive places but when I realized it was possible to get a nice place at a much better rate, it just didn't make sense to pay $200/night for an apartment I'd spend little time in. Again, my intention is to invest in experiences. ;-) In the end, this studio apartment was absolutely the right choice for me. Onat, the host, had 85 stellar reviews for this apartment (and 510 in total!) from people all across the world which sealed the deal for me and after having stayed there, I'm so glad I did. He gave me exact directions to where I wanted to go. Told me about a few restaurants off the beaten path that locals loved.  As an added bonus, he owns a cafe right next door to the apartment so we spent a lot of time talking during my trip & became very good friends!  My tips for Air BNB? Book early if you can (I didn't, but it will ensure the best availability). Complete your profile and let the host know what's bringing you to their city (keep in mind that you're a stranger to them!). Take time to scour the reviews and if people say a place doesn't need air condition, pay attention to whether they're from the US or not, as standards of living vary across the world. Make sure your host has a 100% response rate. Look for hosts that go above & beyond (this depends on your needs but since I was traveling alone in a foreign country, I needed someone who was available 24/7. Onat was perfect!). Keep in mind that the neighborhoods may be very different than what you're used to back home but just because they're old doesn't mean they're dangerous.

4. Utilize Trip Advisor. Another site I live by, even when I travel in the States. I love sites with user reviews and for travel, this one is probably the best out there. I found Turkish Flavours, the company that led my culinary tour, through Trip Advisor and they did NOT disappoint--there's a reason they're # 1! If you're wanting to know about restaurants, top tourist sites, cruises, etc., definitely peruse Trip Advisor for the traveler tips/reviews of your destination. As I've previously mentioned, that $125 was some of the best money I've spent on a tour and really gave me a wider understanding of Turkish culture. I'd originally planned to do a tour of the historic sites but as the days went on I felt more comfortable navigating the city/transit system and decided to just tackle them on my own. Instead, I hired a taxi driver to drive me around the city for a little over an hour and we went into areas I never would've seen on my own, which cost me about $30 USD. Definitely worth the money.
5. Consider the exchange rate. I didn't research it at all before I settled on a destination but part of the reason my trip was such a steal was because the USD to Turkish Lira (TL) exchange rate is awesome right now. $1 USD=2.8 TL, so as you can imagine, my money went far! Charlene, the Spelman woman that I met in Istanbul (see my Instagram post) said I kept cracking her up as we walked the Grand Bazaar because I kept whipping out my phone anytime someone started naming prices so I'd know how to negotiate. I kept having to remind myself, "150TL is only $53 USD Dayka--that's a deal!". So if you want to really stretch your trip, go somewhere where the USD will go far. For me, Turkey couldn't have been a better destination. The Euro in Paris is actually stronger than the USD so your money won't go quite as far there. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't go.
6. Be intentional about what you really need. A key part of trip planning for me--or embarking on anything new that I really want--is to set my intentions about who I want to be/how I want to show up/what I want to do/how I want to feel in the midst of my experience. Since I'm in a phase where I'm currently decluttering my belongings and getting rid of a ton of stuff to really live with the things I love, I also made an intention about my vacation purchases as well. Did I see lots of cool things that I could've brought back a souvenirs? Most definitely. But I really don't need a miniature statue of the Hagia Sofia, post cards from the Blue Mosque or keychains that say "Istikal"....they aren't things I would ever display in my home so I kept asking myself, "How are you going to use that? Where are you going to put that?". Instead of wasting money on things I'd never use once I got home, I invested in things I love and actually would use like fresh spices & teas from the Spice Market, a lot of of beautiful Bronze jewelry, a few 100% olive oil soaps and some Pink Himalayan Salt Bars which I was introduced to on my trip. So being mindful about what you really need and how you want to remember your trip will drastically cut down on your expenses. Don't just buy something to bring it home so you can tell people you bought it in Turkey. You don't NEED to buy a pair of shoes in Paris.

7. Use cash. I left the US with $300 dollars and used an ATM twice while in Turkey to get 1,000 TL  out each time ($357 USD) so I had a total of $1,014 during my trip. The only time I used my card while I was gone was at the ATM and to purchase tickets for the train in Paris. Other than that, cash was king. This helped me to keep a watchful eye on my expenditures and ensured that I always had sufficient cash on hand to hail a taxi in a moment's notice (I didn't notice any taxi's accepting debit cards). I used this money throughout Istanbul & Paris (though I did lose some money when I had to exchange the TL to Euros). In general, I think having cash just makes it easier to get around but then there's also this: at one very small, local kebob shop in Istanbul, I saw a British man going back & forth with the owners because his debit card had been overcharged and due to the language barrier, no one really understood each other. Because they couldn't get on the same page, he eventually just gave up and left but I wondered how often that happens when you try to use a debit card in a foreign country.  Had he used cash, he could've been sure of the total amount upfront & avoided this situation all together.

8. Selected a flight with a stopover. So the Paris portion of my trip was actually a 24 hour stopover, but there was no extra fee for the extended layover--because of the flight I selected it was included in the original $790 fee. Taking advantage of this stopover gave me an opportunity to have a full day/night in a second European city (Paris, at that!) en route back to Atlanta. When you're selecting your flight, make sure you look at ALL of the flight options and try to get something with at least an 8 hour layover, which will give you time to leave the airport, do a bit of sightseeing, and get back through customs in time for your flight home. I found my 24 hour layover in one of the flights at the bottom of a very long list and I had I not looked at every singe option closely, I would've missed out on this "free" second location.  Since I would've paid $790 with or without the Paris stop, it was a no brainer and ended up being the perfect way to wrap up my trip. My Atlanta girlfriend took the train in from her London vacation and we had a delicious breakfast at a local cafe, peeked in the Luxembourg Gardens, saw the Eiffel tower, walked the Seine, saw the Louvre, took a 1 hour boat cruise, and ended our night eating Japanese food at one place and then sharing 5 (5!!) deserts at our original breakfast spot. We headed back to the room stuffed & exhausted, then the next morning I hopped a train back to CDG for my flight to Atlanta. I don't know if I could've done 24 hours in Paris better.

So now you see, $2000 is totally possible! I don't profess to be a solo travel expert but.....I sure hope to become one soon. If you're thinking about embarking on a trip of your own & need encouragement or simply want to know more details about my trip to Istanbul, please leave a comment below!