IT'S JUICY IN THE MIDDLE.

A few years ago there came a point in my life where things got a little stale. Life was good but generally speaking, everything was very middle of the road.The highs weren't too high & the lows weren't too low. Living felt safe and easy. Too easy.

Because deep down I knew that I was selling myself short. 

So I put a tiny wrench in my predictable flow by deciding to book a solo trip to Istanbul--a place that wasn't even on my radar until I decided to go. I'd never been, didn't know the language & didn't know a soul. Everyone thought I was crazy to venture to Turkey alone & my mom strongly encouraged me to rethink my decision. I was scared to death because I didn't have all of the money to go and I'd even turned down a high profile design opportunity on the bet that I would be out of the country. But none of this mattered, because something was telling me that I needed to make that trip...and the minute I told the world that I was going to Istanbul, every single thing fell in line--I even scored an airline ticket at 50% off of the published price! 

I always say that the Universe will honor us when we honor ourselves, and this is just one of MANY times I've seen this principle work in my own life. Following my intuition to Istanbul ended up being one of THE best gifts I've ever given to myself.

It was there that I learned my strength, adaptability & capability aren't just limited to the United States. Or to English-speaking countries. And it was there, while eating baklava along the Bosphorus Strait, that I understood the cost of playing it safe & easy meant I would be settling for an undiscovered life. And being in Istanbul showed me that was a price I couldn't afford to pay.

It's a lessonI haven't since forgotten.

Here's the thing about settling for the lesser life:it will never get you to the juice. 

It's like hanging on the side of the pool because you know you can get wet without exerting any effort. You've got your bathing suit on & you're out there having fun, feeling like you're really getting the best of both worlds until one day you look out and realize you've been had because the real merriment is actually happening in the middle of the pool!! Everyone is doing all kinds of exciting things with both hands because the people in the middle decided to let go of the edge so they can have more experiences. The Middles are lit AF!! They can swim underwater, do cannonballs, play Marco Polo & even get in a friendly round of water polo, all while you're looking on from the outskirts, missing the action 'cause you're still hanging onto the side of the pool. Over there trying to "take it easy".

But the edge isn't as appealing once you realize the secret--the middle is where the juice is.

It's the metaphorical place where you become the storyteller of your journey.Moving across the country for new love? Leaving a secure 9-5 job to follow your passion??None of it can happen unless you let go of the edge & swim out to the middle. Because making a better story is all about opening up to the unknown.It's about letting go of who we are to make space for the potential of who we must become. 

So how exactly do you get to the juicy middle??  You do it by constantly asking yourself, "What will give me an opportunity to grow into a deeper version of myself??" and "What will make for a better life story??".And then you act accordingly. It could be as small as joining a new social group or it could be as big as finally leaving a stale relationship. No matter the move, you know when it's your time to move and you go--even in the face of uncertainty. For me, it was going to Istanbul alone, led only by the guidance of a deep knowing in my soul--my intuition.

This is the epiphany led me to launch "Lost & Found Marrakech", which is my unique way of creating a space for community & adventure to co-exist along the backdrop of the North African desert. It's my attempt to gift to other women a little bit of the same freedom, confidence, & thrill that I experienced in Istanbul. The kinda things that can change your life.

So if you've been thinking about joining me in Marrakech, knowing that you need to go but paralyzed by your what-ifs, think about what I said earlier and honor yourself so that the Universe can honor you.Deposits are due today & there are still a few spaces left--could one of them be for you?? Take inventory & ask yourself, "What will give me an opportunity to grow into a deeper version of myself??" and if coming to Marrakech feels right for you, I'd love to have you.

Hop over here to learn more. And feel free to email me if you have questions!

Masalama.

REAL ONES.

They say that making friends is harder as you get older but I don't buy into that theory.

I say that the more you grow into YOURSELF--and commit to pursuing activities/groups/places you really love--the more you attract similar people who genuinely love the same things you do. 

I think it only gets hard when, somewhere along the way,you stop going after the things that set your soul on fire. 

Now I will say this: I definitely see a difference in the QUANTITY of friends I have now, versus when I was younger. Back then there were more people to club with, gossip with, shop with, hang out with. I was young(er) & on my own for the first time--clear across the country--so all I really wanted to be was "grown". I wasn't looking for anything except to finally fit in somewhere and to know that I belonged...and I'm sure you can guess how that story goes....

But there was also a difference in the QUALITY of people I had back then, too. These days, everyone I'm close to is someone I met effortlessly while being 100% myself--the Dayka with the witty, sarcastic sense of humor, who asks a bunch of questions, loves curse words & has a naughty habit of interrupting people when she gets excited about a good conversation.We are held together by a strong core belief that God is always conspiring in our favor, even--and especially--when it doesn't look like it, and we constantly affirm this for one another.

We speak of crystals...and energy fields...and oracle cards...and possibility...and Grace (and we hit on the ratchet stuff, too!). The width of the crew may be smaller these days but the depth is the deepest I've had yet. I know I've got some amazing friends but the truth is....they are all just reflections of me.Because you can only attract who you are. 

One of the best things you can do for yourself is to create a kindred tribe of friends because your success, however you define that word, is absolutely tied to it. I'm not talking about the "good time" people who are always down to turn up at a moment's notice--instead I'm talking about the kinda friends who will gladly "hold space" for you when you can't do it for yourself. The kind of friends who really, really like you just as you are right now. The ones you can send a text saying "Do you have a minute to encourage me?" and your message will barely hit their inbox before they're dialing your number seconds later (I know 'cause I just sent this text last week!).

And you know how you meet these kinda people? By telling the truth about who you are.Because when you lead with the truth about who you are it becomes a lot easier for your life follow suit. You start going to events that truly interest you, whether that's a quilting conference (hey Ari!), a private gemstone sale or a night at the symphony.You're more likely to get on a site like Meetup.com to find interesting new social groups or to buy a ticket to hear your favorite author speak out of state...even if that means you have to go alone.You start intentionally doing the shit that interests you for no reason other than the fact that you like it. And because that kind of behavior is energetically attractive (you know,the whole taking responsibility for you own happiness thing), other people will see you and say, "You know, I have this friend I think you should meet..." and you start getting connected to other amazing people with little to no effort on your part.

All because you're honest about who are. 

Don't fall into the hype that creating genuine relationships is hard. Don't hang around people who want you to join them in complaining about how awful life is, how fucked up men/women are or who folks who love to lament how things are "never gonna change". Don't hang around people who always talk about how "broke" they are, who never take personal responsibility for their behavior or people who can't be grateful for the good stuff even when it's right in front of their face. I could give you a laundry list of reasons why you shouldn't hang around these people but here's the most important one: what they're saying simply isn't true. 

You're only as good as the people you allow to share & speak into your life. Get you some friends (yes, "get you") who will lift you up, encourage you, support you...fill your squad with people whom you ADMIRE. If you don't have friends who will speak LIFE into you...make that a priority in 2017. The people you attract in life are just a reflection of YOU. If you don't like the company you keep, well then...the first place to start is in the mirror.

ALL YOU NEED IS 1%.

In Numerology it's said that 2017 is the year of New Beginnings (2+0+1+7=10=1+0=1), but new beginnings aren't always as simple as just walking into a new life. Big, new beginnings are actually just a bunch of tiny endings in disguise--and never has this been more apparent than now, as I prepare for a new life in a new place. I know I'm not the only one experiencing this itch...everyone I know who's undertaking something fresh and new is feeling a bit uncomfortable & scared, while simultaneously being 1000% certain that they must do the thing that is calling them. Welcome to Vulnerability 101...

This weekend, while spending my 38th birthday relaxing in bed, the scripture about "faith the size of a mustard seed" randomly popped into my mind & I started thinking about just how TINY a mustard seed is. I thought about how doubt, confusion & discomfort are intimately tied to the process of change and it made me remember that the amount of faith required to do amazing things is actually really, really small.

You only need a little bit more faith than fear to get you through uncertain times. Like, 1% more. You don't have to immediately know who's gonna help you or how things are gonna line up--you just need to have faith that the help WILL be there when you need it. And thinking about it this way makes embarking on those "impossible" things a bit easier 'cause 1% feels like a no-risk kinda investment. It feels like something I can happily sign myself up for.

So I pulled myself out of bed & went off to buy some mustard seeds--I needed to feel what that kinda faith felt like in my hands. And then I went to a dollar store & bought some tiny gift bags. I searched online for my favorite version of that scripture, typed up a few copies, hit "print" & then rolled them up like scrolls and placed one in each bag along with a little mustard seed. I knew I wanted to give my friends a gift at my dinner later that night & I'd just stumbled on the perfect thing--a "portable faith kit". (lol)

In the restaurant a few hours later, I gave the bags out to my friends & explained that my gift was to be a tangible reminder of the fact that embarking on all of the amazing things in our "new lives" also meant that much of our "old lives" had to die.Which of course feels scary.And not a lot of fun. But that if we can just remember to tap into that 1% more every day, it will be enough to carry us through the uncomfortable places.All we need is 1%.

Holding this bag in my hands & rolling this seed between my fingers helps me to really FEEL what this means.  I carry mine in my purse so I can touch it often & every time I do I'm reminded that I don't have to move mountains, I just need to believe that mountains can be moved.And that alone is good enough. 

I shared this message on social media & got a lot of messages/comments from people who shared that they were going through much of the same thing, and because I know that I'm not alone--that we're not alone--I wanted to send out an email to share this you all, too.

Never forget that the big things in life are just a bunch of little things in disguise. No matter what anyone says, you actually don't have to know the entire game plan before you start--you just have to start.And you start by deciding you want something different than what you have & by choosing to believe that something new is possible. From there anything can happen...and it will.

All you need is some faith the size of a mustard seed. All you need is 1%. 

And if you feel like you could use one of my "portable faith kits", just let me know by commenting with your email address & I'll contact you directly to send one in the mail!

3 WEEKS IN MARRAKECH, LISBON & MADRID.

2 different continents. 3 different countries. 3.5 weeks.

That's a lot mind blowing experiences to process in a relatively short amount of time.

It's taken me awhile to really put this trip into words (well, words long enough for a blogpost) because there are layers & layers & layers of magical experiences & a-ha moments that happened during my time abroad. The Cliff Notes version?This was one of the best trips of my life. 

When you take a trip like this it's never just about what happens once you arrive--at least not for me. It's not about how many great things there were to buy in the Medina of Marrakech or scoping the famous paintings at the Prado museum in Madrid (I didn't go!), or seeing the ancient Moorish castles outside of Lisbon. Instead, the memories that endure are marked by unexpected moments....like what it feels like to be on an airplane where the flight crew addresses the cabin in multiple languages--none of which are your native tongue--so you never quite have a handle on exactly what's going on.Or the traditional Moroccan Gnawa troupehired for a private performance that ended their set by playing Bob Marley's "Redemption Song"....in Arabic. Or your first night in Madrid when you learned that in Spanish you say "Queremos la cuenta" meaning "We want the check" instead of "Can we have the check?", which is what you'd say in English.  And then there's what happens when you get back home and realize that while everything is technically the same....nothing FEELS the same anymore. Somewhere between navigating the souks in Marrakech & going on dates in Madrid, you had your entire life recalibrated. It's not until you get back home that it really hits you....you're not the same person who left.

2 different continents. 3 different countries. 3.5 weeks.You'd be surprised at how much can change in that time. 

This trip is getting it's own dedicated podcast episode next week but in the meantime, here's the basics of what you should know:

#1:Lost & Found Marrakech, the trip I curated & launched back in April of this year, was AWESOME. The group of women who booked this trip was the perfect fit and I said more than a few times on Instagram that I thought we fit together like puzzle pieces, each with our own personalities & experiences--curves & edges--that integrated well. We were able to learn from one another, there were connections made in ways that I couldn't have anticipated, and there was a cross-section of perspectives, experiences, and geographical locations represented which meant that each woman brought something unique to the table.

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Some were married and/or had kids, some weren't. Some women were frequent international travelers and others weren't. Every one seemed genuinely interested in each other & in making connections which was one of my main goals for this trip...and it made me proud to know that I'd attracted such a group. There were some who didn't want to spend all of their time in the old city (Medina) so they went to spas, new restaurants in Gueliz (new city), booked day trips to waterfalls and took advantage of the stunning Marrakech hotels by spending afternoons relaxing by the pool. Then there were others (like myself) who were content to explore the vastness of the Medina, eat/drink their weight in tea & local cuisine, visit ancient historical sites and scour the souks for the best textiles & spices that Morocco had to offer.And you know what?It was all good.

There was no ONE right way to do this trip, because my goal was for each woman to create what she wanted.I don't believe in setting strict itineraries prior to arrival. As I love to say, making plans is fine but I've found it much more gratifying to be open to what each destination is WANTING to show you about itself....and it never tells you its secrets until you get there.  My only "requirements" were to be open to the experience and to always remember that we were Americans in Morocco....and not the other way around (<<--this is SUPER important). In preparation for our trip, each month I created a 6-8 page guide with travel advice & tips on what to expect in Marrakech & one of the things I kept reiterating was that, as the curator, I am here to provide the vehicle but it is up to YOU to create the experience that you wish to have in Marrakech. I'm here to hold space for you as you create YOUR OWN story. And create their own stories, they did.

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One of the most extraordinary experiences was when we went ATV'ing for half a day in the desert surrounding Marrakech. OMG. Absolutely perfect temperature.Not a single cloud in the sky.Navigating through wide open spaces & not a spec of civilization around for miles and miles.Saying that it was spectacular, breathtaking, and/or magnificent wouldn't be an overexaggeration. Something special happened that day, and it was one of those things you don't even know you NEED to experience...until you experience it. Riding that bike I kept thinkingto myself,

Remember this moment: You are in Africa. With 7 other women. Riding a 4 wheeler. In the middle of the desert. On a SCHOOL DAY. THIS is what it means to be FREE.  

Collecting these moments is what I live for.

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Marrakech itself is an INCREDIBLE city and it's a place to which I'll absolutely return again & again...to the point that I'd love to spend an extended amount of time there. The culture, the food, the people, the history, the language, the lifestyle--it was literally like experiencing another world. And traveling there as a member of several demographics--a solo female traveler, a single Black woman, and even with a group of single American women--I felt INCREDIBLY safe. And this is from someone who is VERY mindful about her safety, both stateside AND abroad. I'm so glad that all of my internet research didn't deter me from designing this trip because if I'd believed what I read on several blogs & YouTube videos--that men were aggressive, that it was unsafe and/or unwelcoming to solo women--I would've missed out on the trip of a lifetime.Here's the truth:I didn't have one single negative interaction while in Morocco...but I imagine that's also because I made myself VERY aware of the culture before I left. I knew how to dress respectfully. I learned a few Arabic words (like, a FEW). I knew not to stare (without sunglasses on) or be chatty with men I didn't know (as we're accustomed to doing in the US). So I found the men to be curious....but charming and mostly respectful. We got called "Obama" a few times (which happened to me before in Turkey), or "Fish & Chips" and "Rasta" (always directed towards specific women in the group) but there was never a time when any of us felt unsafe. Ever. And as they love to point out, according to the Global Peace Index you're actually safer in Morocco (#91) than you are in the US (#103) so that puts things in perspective, too. ;-)

So if you're wondering if you should go to Marrakech?My advice is to GO. Do your research & respect the culture, but by all means GO.  If you love to experience different cultures & traditions, don't mind a LOT of walking, aren't a picky eater, want to experience a different way of life and don't expect every country you visit to be like the US, then you'll have a fabulous time.

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#2: Lisbon is breathtaking. You'll need to bring your walking shoes & probably humble your ego a bit--before those steep streets & hilly neighborhoods do it FOR you--but it's a beautiful city RIGHT on the Atlantic Ocean with a wonderfully interesting language, the freshest fish you'll ever eat, and stunning architecture. There's something about that city that I still can't quite put my finger on (in a good way!), but I loved wandering the neighborhoods & squares alone as a solo traveler, hopping off & on the historical #28 tram, stopping by for daily chats with my favorite shopkeeper, visiting the UNESCO World Heritage Sites in Sintra, finding my favorite local places to eat and just making my way throughout this city for 5 days. It's the perfect weekend trip from Madrid (1 hour flight!) and is definitely worth a visit if you ever find yourself in that neck of the woods. Also, Portugal is #5 on the GPI. FIVE. 

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#3: Madrid.Ohhh Madrid. This city is so beautiful and is (thankfully!) home to some of the finest men God has ever created! (Don't believe me? Gloria even ranked them #6 on her list of 10 countries with the hottest men in the world.) I must've said it about 40 times during my 2 visits there (my route: Marrakech, Madrid, Lisbon, then back to Madrid), but Madrid reminds me so much of NYC, just a much cleaner, much more relaxed version. Energetically, the people are much more easy going--no one feels like they're grinding or hustling their way through life, which I love. They live by a totally different lifestyle than what we're accustomed to here....all about enjoying life & taking your time for meals and conversations. Spain has it's own culture & language (both Catalan, which is NOT Spanish, and Castillian Spainish are spoken) and while it's more Western than Morocco (duh), you'll get an instant wake up call when you open your mouth to have a convo & find that no one around you speaks English. Or you run to the grocery store to grab some juice & snacks for the house and find that they're closed from 1pm-4pm every day for siesta. Or when you learn the hard way that dinner doesn't start until 9pm. ¡Bienvienidos a España!

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Of every country I visited,I probably learned the most about myself in Madrid. That city made me think A LOT about the importance of language and the meaning/socialization of culture and patriotic elitism.I thought about my Blackness (hard not to the way people, particularly older folks, will STARE at you) and what it means to have your identity rooted in being Black in America.I thought a lot about where I am in my life, what I want moving forward and what I need to continue to expand. Being there made me realize that I'm supposed to be bilingual--almost like somewhere deep down, there's a genetic memory of me knowing Spanish fluently.My mouth surely wanted to say things that my brain doesn't yet know, so I took that as a sign. I loved the fact that having my language stripped away meant a heightened sense of awareness about what was going on around me....but that it also gave me the ability to totally zone out and focus on my thoughts (easy to do when you don't understand 70% of what's happening around you). I loved texting men in Spanish (thanks, Tinder!). And I found myself paying attention to so many things I'd typically overlook back home, which made me realize just HOW MUCH the familiarity with my daily routine causes me to miss out on the little things. 

Trying to navigate a country in a language with which you're not fluent is the most uncomfortable, vulnerable feeling ever.

And even with that being said...I fell in love with Spain.

I loved it so much that even before I made it back to the States, I'd already made the decision to move to Spain next year. I loved it so much that 2 days after getting back to Atlanta I started in a 6 week Spanish intensive to improve my competency (using the Graded Reader method, which I LOVE). And I loved it so much that 3 weeks after getting homefrom this whirlwind trip I booked my ticket back to Spain for April 2017. Because when you know, you just know. And because time waits for no woman. Not even me.

So off to Spain I go! 

And there you have it--a snippet of my experiences from 3.5 weeks in Marrakech, Lisbon & Madrid. I'll cover the rest in my next podcast but hopefully this starts to answer the question I hear so often these days, "Tell me about your trip!!". If you have a specific question you'd like to answer in the podcast just leave a comment below or drop me an email.

Adiós amigos!

THIS IS MY WHY.

When I was 22 I was in a relationship with someone who told me my hands looked like "slave hands".

It was said as a "joke" but he didn't mean this as a term of endearment...and I certainly didn't receive it as one. It was many years later before I was able to call it what it really was--a comment meant to be funny at the expense of my self esteem. Keep in mind this was someone I'd known for a very long time. Someone who said he loved me. Someone I shared a bed & my body with. Someone who wanted to be my husband. Can you imagine what it's like to be in relationship with someone who helps you dislike parts of your body that you didn't even know were up for critique?? I pray to God you never have to find out.

It was easy to walk away pointing the finger at all of his faults but many years later it hit me--he was never my real issue. It was me all along. My issue was that I wasn't appalled enough to leave at the first signs of bad behavior. That I didn't throw him the deuces when he casually mentioned that an ex-girlfriend (whom we both had restraining orders against) was prettier than me. And that I didn't bounce when he squeezed his hands around my neck in a fit of rage one summer afternoon. Did he have his own issues? Absolutely. But they were his to uncover & heal--his and his alone. But what makes still makes me cry for that young woman is that she didn't KNOW BETTER. That no one specifically taught her about the depth of her worth but instead, like most young women, assumed she knew because she fit a few superficial social markers: she came from an educated family with "good jobs". She went to GATE schools and took AP classes. She was exposed to different cultures and experienced the luxury of traveling to new horizons. But those things didn't automatically translate into knowledge of self because, as I can now confirm with all certainty, job titles, social classifications & educational degrees don't mean shit when it comes to  recognizing your own worth. So she made up her own rules as she went along. She thought holding onto her virginity, getting a Spelman degree & having the courage to speak her mind made her someone special...someone of value. She didn't understand that we don't BECOME special--that there is nothing we can do to BE special because every single one of us is special by sheer virtue of being alive. The only thing "specialness" requires is breath in your body. It would take her many, many years to understand that...and to learn to let go of the things she'd been holding onto that were never hers to carry in the first place.

When I talk about Personal Empowerment, it comes a deeply personal place. It's not just a rallying cry for me--it's how I've made sense of my life experiences and it's the gift that's enabled me to take painful stories & transform them into teachable lessons...both for myself and for others. It's helped me heal and tell a different story about so many situations I've experienced. But do not be fooled--the Dayka you see now is someone I've had to intentionally GROW INTO over the years. I was the girl who never really felt like she fit in with the other kids. I was the girl who was never "chosen" by the popular guys. I wasn't having sex, didn't cut class (mama did NOT play that) and didn't drink or smoke weed. I was just there, in plain sight, desperately wanting to be seen. So I spent the early part of my life trying to be different than who I naturally was because I didn't feel like I was good enough with my brown skin, "weird" name, "broken" family, assertive personality and borderline "acceptable" address (being one of only a few black girls in my classes throughout elementary, middle & high school didn't help, either). And because I didn't feel like I fit in, I tried to find ways to make myself smaller than I was because...well, that's just what we do when we think there's something wrong with who we are--we try to find ways to blend in & disappear. Why? Because I didn't know my own worth. I thought my success lie in trying to shave down my edges & round off my corners instead of uncovering new ways to accentuate those unique features. Eventually--and luckily--I found my way though.

And here's why I'm sharing all of this with you:

The early part of my life had to be exactly what it was so that it could prepare me to become who I am today (and who I'm yet growing into). Yes, I'm a designer but I'm also a woman who's incredibly passionate about personal responsibility and self empowerment, especially as it pertains to women.  Why? Because we are often taught--and even encouraged--to shrink. Don't be too confident. Don't talk too much. Don't curse. Pull your skirt down. Be nice. Keep the kids well dressed. Make a fresh meal every night. Look like you did at 17. Polish your nails. Be agreeable. Don't intimidate a man. Don't talk too much about your accomplishments. Put some earrings on. Keep the house clean. Take pride in "keeping your man". Be sweet. Don't ask for too much. Be a freak in bed. Make sure your pedicure is on point. Keep a Brazilian. Be humble. Wait your turn. Don't sleep with too many men. Get along with the group. Don't be so assertive. Be grateful you have a man. Look pretty. Don't be a know-it-all. And be quiet. OMG, it's straight up exhausting! And when we grow up being bombarded with these messages, it dulls our ability to trust in ourselves & our natural instincts. And let me tell you, a lack of trust never, ever turns out well. In any situation.

We learn to shrink at home, we learn it in school, we learn it from our fathers, brothers & boyfriends, we learn it from our mothers, colleagues at work & women in our social circles. But it's time to start unlearning some of that stuff if you truly intend on embodying your highest vision of yourself. And here's the catch: only you can do this unlearning for yourself. It is not your parent's job, your best friend's job or your spouse's responsibility to make you feel good about who you really are. That is purely an inside job, my little sugar muffin. Making someone responsible for your wholeness is too much power to give any one person (or group of people) over your life. And once I really understood this--realizing that I didn't have to wait for other people to change because I could change MYSELF, a whole new world opened up to me. There may have been certain things I feel like I didn't learn in childhood but those very things have become my platform NOW (Looka Gawd!). To remember that at ALL times, it is not only my right but my responsibility to EMPOWER MYSELF. To make choices that are soul affirming. To stand in my power at all times and not hand it over to someone else. To fill in my own gaps and not expect someone else to do it for me. And to remember that the only things I really need are the things that come from within.

So back to him. If I had truly known my worth from the beginning, we wouldn't have been together in the first place. And that's the real truth--it's the responsibility that I OWN about my involvement in that relationship. And once I had the courage to be honest with myself & acknowledge that I simply PUT UP with too much for too long because I didn't know better, something just shifted. I was able to release him from the story I'd been telling (his fault! his fault! his fault!) and start to do the work that really mattered--my own. Is it easier--and more socially acceptable--to blame him for the negative parts of our experience? Of course--because society tends to love a "he done me wrong" narrative. But taking responsibility does not look like me regurgitating all of the ways I thought he fell short or pointing out all of the ways I thought he should have shown up better. Instead, it means asking one simple question:

What was it about you that made you decide that kind of behavior was okay in the first place??

And answering that question, my friends, is where the real work starts.

There was a time many years ago when I didn't know better but now I do. And I want you to know better, too.

This is my Why.

WHY AWFUL CLIENTS ARE GREAT FOR YOUR BUSINESS.

Awful clients.

The ones that want you to give them everything, at the highest quality, but then nickel & dime the budget. The ones that hire you to do a job but don't trust you to actually DO the job. The ones who won't acknowledge that they don't know what the hell they want. The I-already-know-how-this-works-because-I've done-this-before people (except that they don't know how it works) and the can-you-do-it for-cheaper? folks. Ridiculous turnaround times, unrealistic expectations, clients who think they can do your job better than you, & clients who just want to use you for your resources--these folks can quickly become an entrepreneur's worst nightmare.

Whether you're a Photographer, Graphic Designer, Personal Trainer, Copywriter, Fashion Stylist, Videographer, Baker, Producer, PR guru, Interior Designer or any other kind of creative business owner, you'll probably encounter one of these people at some point during the life of your business. Do I hope that they never--EVER--cross your path? Of course. But the reality is that they probably WILL show up along your entrepreneurial journey because they're there to teach you how to show up more fully in your business. Knowing them will raise your blood pressure, create tons of physical stress & almost make you were sitting in an office cubicle instead of crafting a career you love...but these people can be really great for your business if you can learn what they're really trying to teach you.Let me explain.

Over the course of my 5.5 years in design, I've probably had 3 clients who I'd put in the no-matter-what-happens-please-absolutely-never-ever-call-my-line-again category. Some as recently as 2015. With two of the projects there came a point where I thought, "there's not enough money you could pay me that would make this a pleasant-enough experience to continue"--too many changes to the scope, too many fluxuations in the budget & not enough trust to execute the project in a way that would make this collaborative design process fun. And for awhile I did what we normally do in these cases--complain to family & close friends about what an absolute hemorrhoid these people had become. But that quickly got old. And I knew deep down that they weren't just there to get on my nerves but that they (and my experiences with them) could teach me something, if I changed my perspective.Because all the "awful clients" are really doing is showing you where you need to "tighten up" in your biz--where you need to be more specific in your contracts, raise your prices, eliminate some services or set clearer personal & professional boundaries.

So I did. And here's what I realized: that in the beginning of my career, as a fresh & bright-eyed designer, I'd constructed an ideal client profile that consisted of something like this: Good eye.Great budget. And that was pretty much it. What I most wanted were clients with a good eye for design who'd let me execute my vision + a sufficient-enough budget ($10k & up) with which to execute said design. They should "benice", "be cool" and "be flexible". And when I found those people, I was straight up overjoyed. But now that I've had time to develop as a designer, expand my professional interests, work with a variety of clients & grow as a person (read: I've acquired some skin in the game),that short list doesn't cut it anymore.Not if I intend to continue doing work I love, for people I love working with.

Here's the invaluable insight The Awfuls have helped me realize: I'm no longer willing to settle for clients with just "good money & good style" and I can no longer focus on the traditional quantitative demographics like age, education level, marital status, family makeup & income level to identify the people I most want to work with(categories we entrepreneurs are traditionally taught to use). Instead, I've shifted to a Values-Based Client Profilewhich means I care more about WHO my clients are and what THEY value then what they're bringing to the table.TheAwfuls have schooled me on this:  My ideal/targeted clients are people with a high level of personal integrity--ones who take responsibility for their behavior. They're people who value my time as a professional & who understand that Interior Design is a professional luxury service. These people trust the process of design and understand that there's no one size fits all design approach. My ideal clients believe in the importance of self-care & view the creation of a beautiful home as an extension of their well-being. They communicate authentically, are decisive, have a great sense of humor & genuinely want to work with a designer. Do I still want them to have a stylish eye & enough of a budget to execute their wishes? Absolutely. But I don't worry about those things because they're encompassed within the values/standards I set regarding the people I want to work with. Because someone who understands that Interior Design is a professional luxury service would never belittle me or themselves by asking me to render a service for less than it's value. Someone who really wants to work with a designer will give me the freedom & trust to work my magic and create something jaw dropping for them. Someone with a high level of personal integrity is honest about their budget upfront. See what I mean?

Here's another example: If you're an "artisanal croissant maker", your client is not "anyone who can afford $2.25 for a piece of bread". It's someone who LOVES a delicious buttery & flakey croissant. Someone who will find a bakeshop they love & drive 20 minutes clear across town on a Sunday morning to read the New York Times & have a croissant because it's their "thing"--an act of self-love. It's someone who believes in the value of knowing where their food comes from. High quality butter.Locally grown ingredients. Developing relationships with the people who make their food. A person who believes that not just anyone can make "good bread".  If you're a croissant artisan or specialty bread maker, your clients are not "anybody who will buy a croissant"--you want the people who appreciate the value of the service you're providing. And if you really love what you do, you should want the same thing, too.

I'm not implying that when you encounter The Awfuls that it automatically means you need better people--that was just one of my lessons. I've also learned that if I have a misunderstanding with a client it's probably a sign that I need to update my contract & make sure the major details are in writing. And I've learned that I needed to stop giving clients discounts that they didn't ask for because giving without explaining the true value of the discount means they won't understand the value of the service they're receiving. And because of that, they will ride me bareback (not to mention that clients who want a discount should AT LEAST have the balls to ask for one).  Because I've had the ability to create my own path, I intend to work with the kind of people I genuinely want to be around. Think about these questions with regard to your biz: For whom are you making your product? How do you want your clients to interact with YOU? Who do you want them to be in their personal lives? What does investing in your product mean that they value?? I NEVER would this kind of clarity about my business & my tribe if it hadn't been for The Awfuls. When I got fed up enough & realized I never wanted to work with those kind of people again, it gave me the push to figure out the kind of people I DO want to work with, which has made all the difference. And it's also why I don't really believe in "awful clients"--I just see them as the guides who show us where we aren't in alignment with who we really are & what we really want. All they're really here to do is point you towards greater happiness....so acknowledge what you need to change & go change it. 'Cause your best work is still waiting for you.

ALL ABOUT BALI...AND I'M LAUNCHING A PODCAST!

I'm back....and with exciting news!

But before I get to that, let me start with what you REALLY wanna know. Bali was indeed a trip for the memory vault. It stretched me in so many ways (different from my trip to Istanbul) and so much of what I learned will benefit me not only as I continue to travel more & more, but as I take increasingly broader steps in life. It was different than I expected: the flight was no joke (OMG, my feet swelled so bad on the flight over/flight back, yikes), the weather was H.O.T and the wifi was spotty but I met some incredibly inspiring souls, had some of the most deep & insightful conversations, saw a really beautiful (really beautiful) man for about 15 minutes ANNNDD got to experience an extended layover in Seoul, Korea (Omg, I still can't believe that I WENT TO BALI!!!). There were so many lessons & stories (plus a few attitude adjustments for me!) and though I tried to share a good amount through my Instagram & Facebook pages, it was impossible to get it all out so......I'm launching a podcast!!!

Dayka Robinson's Powercast Logo

It's called The Powercast with Dayka Robinson and is all about claiming your power + lessons on love, life entrepreneurship and beyond. This has been something I've wanted to do for awhile & my trip to Bali set up the perfect opportunity to launch with the telling of some of my stories and experiences there. The first episode is all about my Lessons From Bali and is perfect for anyone who wants to know more about my experiences on the island during my 2.5 week vacation and the powerful lessons I learned from traveling solo to Indonesia. And if you just wanna know more about how I think in general, this will give you some insight. Hearing people talk about their experiences is so different than reading about them so I hope you'll enjoy this new format--it's going live tomorrow! 

So in lieu of a long blogpost and in preparation for the podcast, here are a few pics & stories from my travels...

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-10

It took me 28.5 hours of flying time to get to Bali--and that doesn't include my airport layover time! Atl to Washington DC, DC to NYC, NYC to LAX, LAX to Sydney, Sydney to Denpasar, Bali. Sound crazy? You're right...but then again, so was the price of my roundtrip airline ticket! You'll have to listen to my podcast to find exactly how much I paid (jaw-dropping)!

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-4

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Sticky Rice 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud 2016 Paradise

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Stacie, the friend I was linked with by my beloved college roommate. We immediately had a connection & hit it off like old girlfriends (and we talked about this podcast, too. Hey Stacie!)! I would've been perfectly fine on my own, but I'm SO GLAD I was able to meet a great friend and have someone on the same path

to break bread with during my trip. A welcomed surprise indeed!

Dayka Robinson Indonesia Bali Ubud Solo International Travel Black Woman 2016 Fruit Salad

Breakfast with fruit salad EVERY morning!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Daily Offering Balinese 2016

The Balinese put out offerings with incense twice a day (maybe more?) so you see these on the ground everywhere you go--homes, restaurants, retail shops, temples, etc. It's considered extremely disrespectful to step on one so in addition to maneuvering through the crowded sidewalk traffic and watching out for motorbike & cars (especially when I'm accustomed to the other side of the road), you have to watch where you step, too! Still, I loved the signs of daily devotion everywhere I went.

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Paradise Room 2016

There are 3 places for guests to rent at this residence and I stayed in 2 of them (Click here to see this AirBNB listing and here to see the 1 bedroom). The breakfast was delish (and so filling), the infinity pool was gorg (deeper than most you'll find on the island) and the owners dropped me off wherever I wanted to go in town which easily saved about $10 USD each day ($5 going, $5 back). Ooh. And they also, they made these soyabean patties for breakfast that were so yum...I'll be on the lookout for those here. $30/night for this little gem (plus tasty local treats restocked each day!). 

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Moneky Forrest 2016

The infamous Monkey Forrest. Do you follow me on Instagram?? If not, you'll want to head over to hear the background (and see the pics!) from this story. One & done for me!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Nyepi 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali Indonesia Solo Travel Black Woman 2016

A pic from the 3rd place I stayed (see my Air BNB accommodation here). Breakfast every morning on this patio overlooking the rice paddies & a wonderful candlelight lunch/dinner on Nyepi 2016. Loved this place!

Dayka Robinson Bali Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Baliense Temple Ubud 2016

Dayka Robinson Bali 2016-1

I found the most wonderful place to stay when I first made it to the island. When I'm searching for places on Air BNB I tend to save a ton of places to my wish list and then pay attention to the ones that keep drawing me in. There was a reason that this one kept coming up for me...it ended up being the perfect place to start my journey. (See more here) 

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Dr. Melva Green 2016

Dr. Melva Green from A&E's Hoarders. She's a friend of a friend and lives in Bali part time so we were able to link up during my time on the island as well. Kismet!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud 2016-2

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Ogoh Ogoh parade Nyepi 2016

Ogoh Ogoh preparations for Nyepi Day 2016...

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-2

The site of the famous Luwak coffee "plantation". I'm not a coffee drinker, but the taste is supposed to be incredible and get this....it'smade from the poo-poo of the Luwak, which is acat-like animal. Sounds crazy but people always make the long trek to taste this coffee. It's also the most expensive coffee in the world. Doo Doo.Coffee.Yum. Down your throat. Expensive. (that sums up this paragraph)

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Incheon Seoul Korea 2016

Seoul, Korea--my layover that was long enough to take in some tours!

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-3

My first time EVER in a waterfall. I wanted to strip down to my birthday suit and frolic with my man in the water but I don't have a man....and it was NOT the place to be naked, so none of those dreams happened. This spot was great but OMG, that climb back up the mountain was no joke. I thought I was gonna have an asthma attack....and I don't even have asthma.

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-6

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-5

I love going to the international grocery stores and seeing the different foods that are on the shelf. Lays is apparently sleeping on us in the US because they have a MILLION flavors of potato chips that they don't have here. Salmon Teriyaki! Grilled Paprika Chicken! Nori Seaweed! I'm not a Lay's potato chip person but I had to try the Salmon Teriyaki and it wasn't bad (tasted a bit like seaweed paper to me).

Dayka Robinson Bali Solo Travel Ubud 2016-8

My kismet connection from Big Lots!

Dayka Robinson Bali Black Woman Solo International Black Woman Travel Ubud Incheon Seoul Korea-2 2016

More from Seoul, Korea.

Are you familiar with Air BNB? If not, you should be. It's one of my favorite sites to use for booking my accommodations when I travel...even in the US! Leave your email in the comments if you'd like me to send you an invite--you'll be glad you checked it out!

22 DAYS.

22.

Alone that number doesn't mean much but in context, it represents a huge milestone in my life, because it's the amount of vacation days I took this year. 

Yup. Twenty. Two. Days. Of. Vacation. (shut up!!!!)

And I'm talking for real vacation, not that stay at home thing. That's basically a whole month of vacation, doing, living & moving as I want to. And it may not seem like a big deal to you but here's what it means to me: that the girl who graduated college not knowing what she wanted to do, bounced around from job to job, decided to follow a curiosity for which there really wasn't a path, built her own business while often feeling around in the dark, hit some personal speed bumps, and questioned whether she was doing the right thing but kept showing up--on her own terms--anyhow, can create a life where she gets 22 days of vacation in one year, then I'm pretty sure that you can do it too. I promise we're not that different.

So in the spirit of honesty, I looked back at my 2015 post written as my 2016 self and you'll see that I specifically said I was doing more traveling AND going on more vacations this year so it's not like I didn't claim it. But even then, I didn't really believe that it was possible likethis, for me. Sure everyone talks about taking "real vacations" and where they would go if they could but the reality is, we Americans tend to use our vacation days for things like handling important personal business, sick days or intermittent 3-day weekends. Not for taking care of self. As the year started progressing and Istanbul became a possibility, I said over & over that I wanted to spend more time traveling and once I did, it seemed like everywhere I looked I was being shown how possible it was. I started receiving newsletters with flight deals and following sites like Travel Noire that ramped up my desire. You've already read the story but my ticket to Istanbul? I found that deal in the wee hours of the morning after checking one of those sites on a whim. Next thing you know, I was across the world having the time of my life for a fraction of what it could've cost me with a group. BAM.

But let me not make this post about the deals.What I want to share (and celebrate) is this milestone of mine in the context of what it means to be an entrepreneur, self-employed, and to have the luxury of almost one month of vacation. There were times in these past 5 years when I didn't know how I would make it financially. When I wasn't sure what I was doing in my business. When my house seemed more like an albatross around my neck than my perfect refuge from the world. When I was all panicky like, "OMG, am I ever gonna go on vacation again??". And then all of the sudden I look up and here's 2015, dangling weeks of vacation in my face like "Heyyyyy girl, c'mon...". And you know what? These vacation days were actually work days for me (stay with me here). Not in the rolling-my-eyes-cause-I-don't-wanna-do-this kinda work but the who-I-am-and-what-I-do-are-so-in-alignment-that-work-is-my-life way. Traveling has given me content (substance). It's allowed me to not only connect with fellow travelers & people I met along my journey, but to connect with my tribe (that's YOU) in a deeper way. To expand my life and encourage you to expand yours, too. And that's really the work I want to be doing.

Pardon my brag moment but I'm pretty damn proud of this!! It's a reminder that when all of the ups & downs are weighed, I've had a better life taking a chance on me than I ever had as a 9-5 employee. There are new dreams on the horizon now + new fires burning and it helps to be reminded that I've already done so much more on my own than I ever did chained to a standard office job. And you know what else? The things I most desire are truly desiring me--just not in the way or time that I think they should. I wrote that post in January and effectively forgot about it after the first quarter. But that international vacation & those passport stamps I mentioned?They were hunting me down even in my "forgetfulness". 

So I think I've got the hang of this thing now.

Next year I'm claiming more than double which may sound crazy to you but....watch it happen.

22 days in 2015.I'm geeked.