January 21, 2015 06:19:50
In my natural life I don't think I've ever been as scared as I was in this moment.
All of the sudden I found myself at The Weather Channel headquarters, Studio 9, getting ready to go on LIVE, NATIONAL TV with none of than Al Roker & Stephanie Abrams.
Yes, that Al. The one from The Today Show.
In less than 10 seconds Al was going to utter my name across his lips, look me in my eyes & engage me with rapt interest as I discussed the projects I'd created for my live, national tv debut on his show.
But how the hell did I get here???
I saw the clock start counting down the seconds 10, 9, 8, 7....and I all of the sudden a sheer panic rose up in my chest. Then I heard it--the sound of some crazy person inside me shouting:
What the fuck are you DOING HERE?? You're gonna forget everything you're supposed to talk about!! They will see that you're a fraud!! Run out the door right now--GO!!! Save yourself while you still can!!
I felt like a deer in headlights and thought my heart was going to beat itself right out of my chest.
Now 10 seconds doesn't seem like a long time but let me tell you...it IS. You can't imagine how many (nasty, destructive) scenarios the human brain can create in as little as 10 seconds but I think I experienced almost all of them that morning. I swore I was gonna have a major asthma attack, right there on the stage, save for the fact that I don't actually have asthma.
But then the clock hit "0" and it was showtime. The cameras were up & we were live all across America.
Al introduced me and I was all smiley and chatty and 100% in control and totally schooling them on my spring projects and my hair was shining like a Cornsilk Cabbage Patch doll and my face was beat and my shoes were all the way on point. And just as I really started getting into it....he "threw it" to commercial break and my time was over. Just like that. 4 days of preparation & work summed up in 180 seconds.
I went from feeling incompetent, afraid & under qualified to feeling empowered, confident & more than capable. All in the span of 3 minutes.
But that's how these things always seems to happen, you know.
Because this is how it feels to invite yourself into the process of creation. You get an invitation (from a friend, from God, from your intuition, your kids, etc.) to create something new, so you start doing it. You find the work tedious, but exciting. You love your ideas but none of the work actually looks like what you envisioned just yet. But what continues to push you is your desire to see this thing come to fruition. To watch it be born. And then all of the sudden it's showtime/launch time/show up time and in an instant, you feel scared out of your mind. You worry that maybe your idea actually isn't new, that it's not a fresh perspective, that you aren't good enough, don't know enough and seriously feel like you are quite possibly a fool for even embarking on such an ambitious undertaking.
But now you're on stage (figuratively speaking) and can't stop. There's nowhere to hide. You've done so much that the easiest way out is actually to go forward.
So that's what you do.
You deliver your creation, knock it out of the park and realize that--surprise, surprise--you had it all along.That the voice was a lie. Not only can you now see your creation in all of its intended glory but you start embracing the fact that you totally killed that thing and maybe you even shot too small. You realize you could actually be a fantastic FILL IN for Al when he's on vacation because you rocked it so hard!! Fuck the 3 minute segment--you could totally do a 20 MINUTE segment! Maybe even have your own show! Own your own network! The sky is the limit!!
But you only get here by pushing beyond the voice.
Beyond the fear, beyond the doubt, & beyond feeling like you're still just an over talkative, precocious 8 year old. Because the truth is that none of those feelings are real.
This is just a reminder that the closest (and easiest) way out is actually through, because going back means you'll never get anywhere. It seems like it's safer, but it's not.
Staying small will actually kill you. Quite literally.
For every story you hear about how it "turned out so bad" or about how someone "just couldn't make the idea work", never forget that there are MANY MORE stories about people who refused to let the fear have the final say.Everything you see, do & use in your life today is a result of someone pushing past their (thousands of) fears to make their idea work.
And then there's me. I talk about these things because this is what I KNOW firsthand.I HAVE BEEN THERE (and have the pics to prove it). I would've missed out on so many projects, clients & opportunities if I would've let fear get the best of me that morning. I never would've know what I was capable of if I hadn't totally blew past my self-imposed boundary.
So whatever you may be working on, praying for, or struggling with...... KEEP GOING.
The easiest way to get beyond those feelings is to just buckle up & take the road that goes straight through them.
*And if you wanna watch my segment from that morning with Al & Stephanie, click here. *