I HAVE VITILIGO. THIS IS MY STORY & HOW ITS CHANGED ME.

Watching your body change before your eyes is really fucking tough.

Traumatic would be another good adjective to insert here. I'm not talking about an ailment you were born with and I'm not talking about pregnancy. I'm talking about literally waking up one day and noticing that the skin on the body you've known for almost 30 years is suddenly changing. Then going to a dermatologist who confirms you have something called "Vitiligo" which has no known direct cause, no cure and an unpredictable prognosis. Up until then, I only knew it as the disease that Michael Jackson, the King of Pop claimed to have. When I left that office visit, I realized that I had joined his ranks. What I didn't realize was how much it would change me...for the better.

It's been 7 years since I first noticed the handful of small, discolored spots just below my belly button. They weren't particularly large, and they weren't extremely discolored either--just a trail of 4 small-ish spots that seemed to appear out of the blue. I didn't think much of them--outside of noticing the inconsistency--and kind of filed it away in the back of my mind. It wasn't until many months later, as I took note that they were getting lighter and larger (and after a bit of frantic Googling), that I got a little concerned. When the dermatologist confirmed the diagnosis...I still remember walking out of that office in a fog. I was uncertain of what to expect...and I was devastated.

Vitiligo is an autoimmune disease. It affects the pigment in your skin by causing your immune system to identify your melanin-producing cells as an "invader" and attack, so that the cells either die or stop producing melanin. The bright side is that there's no effect on my practical, day-to-day functioning & it doesn't cause any internal issues other than skin discoloration. The "downside"? Knowing that it's "just skin", yet still having to navigate a psychological forrest of conflicting emotions that are very real. It's like trying to execute a full spin on a teensy tightrope launched 250 feet in the air--it ain't the easiest thing to manage. It is shocking...and frightening...and depressing to see something visibly take hold of your body that you can't control. And then there are those who minimize this experience because they think it's "just a superficial thing"...which is an incredibly dismissive position to take when it's not transforming your body. What many people don't seem to understand is what the effect of something like Vitiligo can do to your mind: it will have you questioning your own beauty & value, reconsidering everything you think you know about yourself--deep stuff. From my perspective, developing Vitiligo as an adult is extremely different than having it as a child. I have, in effect, lived an entire life in one skin--childhood, high school, college & beyond--only to develop a new skin as I approached 30. And of course this is what we're supposed to do in our lives--grow & shed the skin we come to know as a means of expanding more into the people we're purposed to become. But when it's LITERALLY happening before your eyes?? Yikes. It can be a challenge to watch this process unfold and the uncertainty surrounding its progression (not knowing what to expect) used to cause a constant state of anxiety...which did not do much to help my immune system. Those early days were like a merry-go-round I couldn't seem to find my way off of.

For the first few years I was very diligent about staying covered because I was sure that I didn't want anyone to see what was happening to my body. And in those early days it was an easy task--if you didn't see my stomach or the center of my back, you wouldn't have caught a hint of what was taking place. But I pride myself on transparency & felt like a fraud during those years--aware that I wasn't owning my truth yet at the same time, having no idea of how to embrace what was happening. To see it as only a small part of my story and not the entire story. In hindsight and from a renewed perspective, I clearly see how Divine Timing was yet working in the midst of it all. Sometimes I'll catch myself thinking, "I'm grateful this happened in phases--I don't know that I could've emotionally handled losing my pigment any faster than I did.", but then I remember what I know is true--that we are always given the specific wings we need for the individual journey ahead. Because literally & figuratively, inhabiting a new skin changes you. I haven't had 35 years to acclimate to this, I've had 7--and now in year 7, my body doesn't look anything like it did in years 1-3. And I'm not saying that a dis-ease like Vitiligo changes your quality of life forever but yes, it will absolutely change something about your life, especially when it happens to you as an adult. Whether it's for better or for worse is ultimately up to you. In my case, it forced me to let go of how I visually imagined my life would be. And if I'm being honest (which I should be because after all, I AM half naked on the internet!), it forced me to rethink/reexamine who I thought I would be in this life. It's safe to say I considered myself to be attractive. Secure in the knowledge that I was a decent person and just as confident in saying that I wasn't an ugly duckling, either. Yet seeing Vitiligo spread across my body felt suffocating for awhile, being enveloped by something I couldn't control. And by "awhile", I mean years. As you can imagine, hours of perusing pics on Google Images didn't help much in those early stages, either. Because you can get lost in looking at the photos, seeing the possibility of what could happen to your skin without the balance & understanding of the only thing this experience is REALLY requiring of you--to become someone new. In and of itself, Vitiligo makes me different from most people and while different is something we tend to champion when it comes to businesses, personalities, music and fashion, we don't always celebrate "different-ness" when it comes to appearances.

For instance?  Sometimes people just stare uncontrollably.

I know that curiosity can get the best of people and they can't help looking at the white spots trailing down my shoulder or sneaking out along the neckline of my dress, but the blatant staring?Even to this day, it can make me feel like the main attraction in a circus. I really don't think people mean to stare in amazement--I believe we all are inherently good--yet when you're insecure about your own body, seeing people fixate on it just magnifies everything that's already under the surface. But in the end, the feelings that come up for me in those moments speak more to the narrative that I believe about myself, and less about other people and what they may be thinking. Knowing this actually DOES make the stares easier to process because it gives me a sense of power to know that there is a major part of my experience that I CAN control. And that, when it comes to me, nothing is ever true until I believe it to be so. After all--this is my journey, my story and I'm 100% responsible for the meaning that I assign to the events in my life. This fact, I own.

When people say things like "it's not a big deal" or that it "shouldn't really matter", I understand that they're intending & wanting to be supportive but here's the thing--when it's happening to you and it's your body and changing your life, it kinda is a really big fucking deal. I walk a tightrope between knowing that I'm not this skin, yet this skin is the first thing you see when you look at me.  My brown body now has varying shades of white spots across a good portion of it, and unless we're in the dead of winter, it's not like you could look at me and miss them somewhere--on the back of my legs, in the web of my hands, around my ankles & the tops of my feet. It's only seasonally visible on my face (I use Protopic, a topical prescription to control it) but if you know to look, you'll find it. Does it change the way my body functions? I'm grateful that I can say "no". But there's no denying that it has changed how others see me visually and also, how I show up in the world.

It wasn't until recently that I allowed myself time to really mourn my loss and who I thought I would be. And even though it may have been (admittedly) a superficially concocted self-perception, it was mine--MY idea and MY expectations based upon what I thought my life should look like. But the thing about Vitiligo is this: it's different for everyone, so there's no one way to navigate through this process. It's just not that simple. Each of us have to figure out a way to chart a course that feels true based upon the individual situation. Some people just develop one patch of Vitiligo, or only have it on one side of the body. For others like myself, it's non-segmental (bilateral Vitiligo or generalized Vitiligo) which means it appears on both sides of the body and cycles through periods of starting, stopping & expanding. This means that I have to make my way through an acceptance process each time it takes up more real estate on my body. And in other words, I make peace with my new reality each time it needs to be made.

But here's the good part: It gets better.

It gets easier to face and honor what's happening in my body each time because Vitiligo has undoubtedly made me better, stronger. I don't know if I can truthfully say I'm at 100% acceptance but I know this for sure: I'm not where I was 7 years ago (hell--the fact that I'm putting these pics out here on the webs is a testament to this fact!) Those 3 small dots that appeared below my belly button later spread to my back in a year's time. And from there it traveled to my shoulders, my breasts, my stomach and my face. It was dormant until the end of 2012 when I can only imagine that the end of a long relationship helped it to flair up again--a relationship I ended in part, because I knew I needed to sort through this and do the kind of inner work that can only be done when you're alone. I wanted/needed to find my own foundation and not settle for existing off of the confidence that a settled relationship provides. Or even worse--staying with someone because I didn't believe anyone else would want or love me in my new skin. I loved us both enough to know that I deserved more, and so did he. So I set out on my own to find my center and in time, that's exactly what I found.  And time & time again I remind myself, just because my life doesn't look exactly like what I thought it would doesn't mean that I don't have a really good life. 'Cause it is really good (incredible, actually), and I am happy. As they say, there will always be a road that didn't choose us, and for me, the journey I would've had had I NOT developed Vitiligo is that road. What chances would I have taken without this experience & who I would have consequently become without this calling to expand into more?  I'll never know. But I've learned that it's okay to mourn that road that didn't chose me and the secrets it held while simultaneously being excited about the road that I DO have. Yes, it's different, but it's also an incredible opportunity to practice what I believe--that things are always working out for my good, even if I can't see it just yet. And because of this core belief, I'm able to move forward knowing that everything--at the deepest level--is as it should be and that my purpose in this life is not diminished because of Vitiligo but instead made perfect through it. This I know for sure.

Vitiligo has caused me to reexamine my beliefs & values--to be clear about who I say I am and the ways that I am/am not showing up like I intend to. I believe in the power of intention and living in personal integrity, which is to honor yourself by being/doing who & what you say you are. This experience has expanded my faith and reminded me of what I know to be true--that I am not this body, but the essence of Dayka is created in my soul...the untouchable, undefinable, perfect, all-knowing Source on the inside. And I don't mean that in a cheesy way but truly, when we transition out of this life, our bodies remain but our souls--the very essence that makes us who we are--are what leave and THAT is what those who remain mourn over. So I continuously affirm to myself that I am not this body, and that everything I need for my journey on this path is already within. I am not devoid of anything, nothing about my life is a mistake, and how my body was created is intrinsically tied to who I'm supposed to be in this world.  I don't know that I would be so clear about this truth without having journeyed through this experience.

So in the spirit of honesty, transparency & transformation, I wanted to share this part of my life with all of you. To share my story about a life change that started out so heartbreaking but more importantly, became so transformative in my life. Vitiligo led me to a Paleo lifestyle which has done wonders for my health. It's now a little over 2 years later, and I still don't regret ending my relationship--in a challenging time I relied on my intuition and surprisingly, I'm enjoying being single and relishing the beauty & peace of being alone (alone, not lonely, mind you). I have a career I love. My business is doing really well. Some of my closest friends are people I'm sure I've known in another lifetime. I love where I live. And in general, I'm really very happy with me and the work that I've done on myself. Work that may not have taken place without Vitiligo. I've wanted to write this post for awhile and for many reasons, first as a means of celebrating myself and how far I've come. As a means of sharing a huge part of who I am that isn't as well known. And as a means of inspiring and encouraging someone with Vitiligo who may stumble upon these photos via Google, or this blog post one day in despair (like I did many years ago) looking for something to hold on to, needing to hear that it gets better. Well I'll tell you this: it really does get better...but it's because of the work you do on the inside of you, not on the outside.  In so many ways, I never imagined that I would have the life I know today...but in every way, and even because of this experience, it is sweeter. I'm grateful for what I didn't know back then about this journey that lay ahead--it would've seemed insurmountable to the 2007 version of myself.

So the logistics: I have chosen not to wear makeup to cover my depigmentation. I have no issue with anyone who does differently, but the practice for me is about becoming comfortable in my skin and yet staying ever aware that I am not this skin. Will I always feel this way? I can't say with any certainty. But I reserve the right to change my mind later and will do what feels right in the moment. In the meantime, my biggest hope is that I might inspire someone who may be struggling with a challenge or insecurity of any kind--personally or professionally--who finds themselves full of fear and/or doubt. To remind you that God or life--whatever you may believe in--is calling you to be more...to be bigger and better than you are in this moment. And you absolutely can be, if you so choose.  It may take time, but your perspective WILL change if you allow it to.

And yes, someone will still think you're hot. (many "someones", in fact) They'll want to date you...love you for how you look now, and how you'll look 5 years down the road. And yes, people may stare, but only because it's different. Not ugly. Just different...and that's okay. And in time you'll find that when you stop looking for the people who are staring, you won't see them as much anymore. And you'll learn that sometimes, the people who are staring may actually be looking because in you, they see the courage that they're not sure they have themselves. So I remind you that in this way, when you tell the truth of your own story and have the courage to shine your own light, you help light someone else's flame and give them the courage to shine too. And that's something worth celebrating. (Albert Schweitzer)

**All images taken by the amazing Angela Murray Morris, who made me feel incredibly comfortable, supported, and excited about this shoot. Eternal gratitude, love & appreciation for you, friend. Xo** **To Nicole Wylie, Antonio, Telisha Gibson, Brady & Rodney...for--each in your own way--allowing me to use your flame to light my own.**

DAYKA...AL ROKER...AND MY FIRST LIVE, NATIONAL TV INTERVIEW--EVER!

Deep inside, I've always known that TV was in the cards for me.

As I became more confident in my abilities & established some bigger dreams, it started to become clear that it's the next logical, progressive step along my path. 

I've been offered two opportunities in years past and received emails from a few producers requesting casting videos, but I either didn't make the final cut or it was for something I've always shied away from--a competition-style show. 

Because I've been able to get a good amount of behind-the-scenes production work under my belt, both from my days as a Design Assistant on the show Movie & A Makeover (Turner Broadcasting) and from the last few years through my work with Flynnside Out, I'm clear that my ideal situation is being in front of the camera as an expert. There are so many uncontrollable things that happen behind the scenes that the viewer never sees--budgets disappear, parameters change, etc, but all you end up seeing in the end is an ugly room--no thanks. There's nothing wrong with the competition premise in general, but also I understand my personality enough to know that it probably won't play well in those circumstances--I've been told I have a case of RBF (Resting Bitch Face), I'm often a little heavy on the sarcasm & I absolutely enjoy a raunchy comment (or two!) every now & then. In TV land, this is either a recipe for disaster or the makings of great drama...depending on who's doing the interpreting! 

So it shouldn't come as a surprise to you when I say that getting booked as a guest expert on the Wake Up With Al morning show (The Weather Channel) was right up my alley--the exact thing kind of thing I've been wanting to do. It may be a surprise to you, however, to learn that 3 minutes after the opportunity was extended to to me...I got scared, y'all!! I immediately said yes but my mind was all, "What have you done???", once I started thinking about the parameters of live tv & how there's no editing. Then all of the dreaded "what-ifs" started popping up:
What if I trip over my feet, grab the table for balance & pull it down with me??
What if I get all tongue tied as I'm speaking, can't get my words out & just go into blank zone???
   Or better yet, What if I drop my beloved F-bomb in an off-the-cuff moment??
YIKES. All very scary scenarios.
But as much as fearful dayka was saying no (little d), I had this other voice in my heart that was all, "Go girl...you know you got this!" (said in my Mom's tone), so of course there was no turning back. 

Not only because I believe we have to run towards the things we're afraid of, but also because it was true--I am/was equipped for this!!

And in the end, this first-timer couldn't have asked for a better outcome.

The thing about live TV is this--the only way for you to get better at doing live TV is to actually DO live TV....I don't think there's any other way to simulate this kind of experience. After my fantastic producer Michael discussed the parameters of the segment with me, I pitched 10 ideas and he narrowed it down to the ones he liked the best/thought were the best fit for their content (weather-related upcycle & recycle projects). I actually prepared 6 projects, we narrowed it down to 5 when I arrived Wednesday morning, and then during my segment, Al actually skipped over the recycled umbrella bag (which was fantastic, btw), so I only ended up presenting 4 of my projects which worked perfect for my 2.5 minutes. I had a bit of anxiety Monday & Tuesday morning but by the time I settled in Tuesday evening and carved out some quiet space, I was feeling confident and great...which lasted right up until we were about 15 seconds out and my stomach went all haywire. I was telling myself, "Don't you even do this shit, Dayka. Not now." and that was all I needed to pull it together--ha! All in all, my 2.5 minutes went off without a hitch (of course there are a few things I could nitpick, but I won't) and I'm pretty proud of this segment! Sam Champion--formerly of GMA and now host of his own show, AMHQ--and I were in makeup together so we had a chance to chat for a bit  which was very cool--such a great guy to be around (with a body to match!).

And AL ROKER!!!!

Totally just as warm & pleasant as you would expect. And Stephanie Abrams, his cohost, is hilarious--I can see why they make a great team. 

 I was able to stay in the studio for a bit around my segment and watching Al work is incredible...and so mind blowing to find myself in the same studio with an icon that I grew up with every morning, not only watching him do his thing in person but being interviewed by him as well!! 
I seriously wanted to pinch myself.
I can only imagine the grind of getting up at 3am daily (and having to go to bed very early, I imagine), but they both made it look effortless.
 I'm believing my skills will be much the same one day, too (and soon)!

So if you have a moment, take 2 minutes to watch my first, live national tv guest spot ever with none other than Al Roker himself. I wrote a blog post a few days ago where I mentioned just saying yes and thinking of your fear like a lion, only to get right up to it and see that it's just a tabby cat. 

This was one of those times, for sure, and it's funny to see how I wrote that just days before, not knowing that this opportunity was just around the corner.
Essentially I was talking to myself.
I was nervous, I won't lie, but when the cameras went live, your girl was ready to go.

 And now that I've got this one under my belt, I'm really excited about doing this again--I loved every minute.

http://www.weather.com/tv/shows/wake-up-with-al/video/recycling-repurposing-demo

AN 8 PAGE SPREAD IN SOUTHERN HOME...FEATURING YOURS TRULY!!

On the list of cool things that have happened to & for me since I started my business 4 years ago, this ranks up there at the very top--definitely a milestone. 

My first bit of press is out for 2015 and it's a huge deal for me--AN 8 PAGE FEATURE IN A NATIONAL MAGAZINE!!!! And I don't mean me and someone else on the same page, I mean page after page of yours truly in a story on my home here in Atlanta.

When an editor of Fresh Style magazine and its sister publication, Southern Lady, reached out back in November 2014 to profile me for this piece, my first thought was "no" because like most designers, my house isn't exactly how I want it to be. Still, I knew I'd be crazy to pass up the opportunity and got busy prepping my place for the team's arrival from Alabama. I'm used to working with my own photographers (or ones I know well) so it's rare that I don't see images before something gets published. In this case I didn't see anything with exception of the headshot pics they took of me, so I had zero idea of what to expect when it hit newsstands. When I finally found the magazine in the grocery store, I was in awe of how beautiful the photos were....and blown away by the size of the feature!

(pages aren't in order)

Seriously overjoyed!!

My house, as you can see, is done in a palette mainly consisting of black, white, brown & gold with a few pops of color, texture and pattern throughout. I really do LOVE color, but when I finally started getting around to addressing my home I found myself getting color confused (too many choices as a designer!) or the things I really obsessed over were a bit beyond what I wanted to spend, so I went with the palette of all of the things I most love to wear (which is a great place to start your design, btw!). This strategy also worked well for me because I tend to like spaces that feel warm & enveloping, so I'm a huge fan of darker colors and cozy rooms--and when I pull those blackout drapes closed in the living room, I feel like I'm in a cocoon on a planet far away.
Mission accomplished. 

Most of what you see here is vintage. The sofa & dining table are the only things that I purchased brand new almost 10 years ago...and both of them are hopefully on their way out soon! A few years back I mentioned in a blog post that I wanted the majority of the pieces in my home to be secondhand and fast forward a few years later and it's safe to say I'm around the 95% mark! The only other piece of furniture that I purchased brand new was my mattress--every other piece in my house is either from a thrift store, estate sale, yard sale or something similar, and it's all been refinished and reupholstered within an inch of its life! But I wouldn't change a thing about my choice to go that route. I pretty much love (almost) everything in here and when I DO tire of something, I have no qualms about letting it go on to its next life because my investment hasn't been outrageous. And more importantly, I know how good it feels to live with things you love. I'm grateful I can say that.

So if this is feature any indication of what 2015 will be for me, I am expecting to constantly have my mind blown this year, both personally and professionally.
And am I'm very much looking forward to every.single.bit of it.
And so it is.

HAPPY NEW YEAR: HIGHLIGHTS & LESSONS FROM 2014

I really love a good year in review post. 

Yes, part of the purpose is to document my work and progression as a business owner but honestly, 75% of my purpose in writing them is really for my own benefit--so that I can look back on this time in the years to come and remember all that was happening in my life & follow the journey on how I became who I am and how my business became what it is. If I don't document my life in increments, it's so easy to forget about the allllllll of little things I did once too much time has passed by, so these posts serve as snapshots of my year. And they act as a reminder that sustainable change doesn't take place in one giant leap but in the all of little "ah-ha's" that unfold over a thousand little steps. The things that don't seem like they're changing you in the moment but years later, you can see so clearly how all of those little shifts became a 180 degree arc. 

So 2014.

It was a really, really good year for me, both personally and professionally. 

When trying to think of a word that could encapsulate the year, the first one that popped into my head was "expansion". I would've preferred something sexier...but they say the first thought is probably the truest one, so that's what I'm going with. And I guess expansion really does fit the bill because in all ways, my life became more last year. 

A brief run-down of my year:

-celebrated my 35th birthday with the most perfect dinner party

-2 memorial services for my grandmother (passed 12/2013)

-started working with Flynnside Out Productions as a Project Designer

-Named to Atlanta Homes & Lifestyles "15 Under 40" class for 2014

-Named to the Hot List as a "Newcomer to Watch" by The Atlantan

-Selected by ADAC to design a vignette for the Atlanta Food & Wine Festival

-Spent the entirety of my summer working on HGTV.com's Holiday House 2014
-FINALLY reupholstered my dining chairs

-Styled a kick-ass faux dinner party

Tomas Espinosa

-Featured presenter at the 2014 Haven Conference

-Worked on the Phase II project for the Ronald Mc Donald House-Long Island

-Spent some long overdue & much needed time with my best friends in California. 

-Took the most perfect vacation in NYC after the RMDH project.

-Went to a broadway show with my best friend which may not sound like a big thing...but it was
-Recognized on HGTV.com's Front Door as one of Atlanta's best Interior Designers

-Became a (god) mom when my BFF from Spelman had a (very cute) baby boy!

-Redesigned a beautiful dining room for wonderful, color-loving clients who let me paint their trim & moulding robins egg blue!

-Got braces!!
-Finally wallpapered my laundry room. It's bold & I love it.

-Tried my hand at dating online & IRL. It's an interesting world out here for sure. Still trying. 

-Presented a "hail mary" pattern palette for a client's bedroom--she loved it and had me design her living room, too.

-Ended a business partnership. 

-Featured in a fantastic article in the Atlanta Journal Constitution
-Finally spent some time working on my own home & striped my entryway...in my favorite color combo, of course ;-)

-Faced a major health scare (All clear, thank God! See Instagram for details)

-Designed/Produced my first ever video project for FSO.
-Met & had a chance to work with some fantastic people

-Hosted a very fun Paleo Thanksgiving party
-Celebrated 4 years in business (here & here)

-An INCREDIBLE 8 page spread featuring my home & design philosophy in a national mag

I keep looking over this list thinking about more things I could add, but even with the small snapshot I've shared...this was indicative. 2014 was a good year.

Here's what I learned:

-Less How?? and more DO. Things have a way of lining up looooong before I can ever see that they are.
-Permission is not required. Period.
-My intuition will always be the truth, whether I receive it in the moment or not (& it will find me). It's like a radio tuned a static-y station on a low volume in my downstairs bathroom with the door closed (I like to think I have supersonic hearing). It's not "in your face", but it's a low hum that only I can hear, and intentionally choosing to ignore it will not make it stop humming. Point taken.
-Your tribe is out there--find the people who want to be on your team and roll with you & whatever it is you represent. I went out a few times with someone who liked to refer to my personality as "extra". Is it true? I guess that would depend on what your definition is. But my point is this--when he said it, it wasn't intended as a compliment. Whet??? And you call yourself trying to date me?? Umm...no, thank you! Girl, bye.
-Just say yes. A life of "expansion" requires facing my fears constantly & saying yes to things before I can get the details worked out in my mind. What's makes me expand is to acknowledge what I'm afraid of, then move towards that because occasionally my mental supersonic hearing is off and what sounds like an African lion is actually just a tabby cat.  *sigh*
-Come hell or high water, don't be without health insurance. Nothing is more important than my health & health insurance is NEVER more expensive than 8 weeks of lab tests, doctor visits & biopsies.
And most importantly,
-I am the author & architect therefore, it will be whatever I say it will be (now THAT'S powerful).

I hope you all had a fantastic holiday & a great New Year!!

IT'S MY ANNIVERSARY PART II: THE ONLY 2 THINGS YOU NEED TO START & SUCCEED IN BUSINESS

In the midst of writing Part I, the wheels in my head started spinning with practical tips I could share with you if find yourself dreaming of starting a new biz or moving to the next level with your current one. Lots of specifics crossed my mind, but as I though of nuggets that would hold true across any industry, there were 2 major things that stood out to me.

Can it really be that simple--only two things??
Yup, it is.

I don't care what industry you're in, or how old you are, if you're looking to launch a new business there are really only 2 things you're really going to need in abundance.

pic via Angela Murry Morris 

Confidence & Faith.

Everyone thinks money is the holy grail--and don't get me wrong, it helps A LOT--but here's the thing:  there are many a problem that an abundance of money can't solve.
A fool-proof business plan? A dream business partner? A can't-fail marketing strategy?
All fine & dandy, but none of these things can take the place of good ol' confidence & faith.

Confidence: There's a video that's been floating around the web for years now, and it features a curly haired little girl dancing on top of a vanity in the bathroom mirror full of gratitude for every little thing & telling herself how wonderful she is (see it here).  It's a great video...all of us really should wake up reminding ourselves of our utter wonderfulness everyday. But the reality is that you're gonna have those days where you wonder if you're good enough.
If your work is solid. 
If people like you OR your business. 
If you're doing the right thing. 
If anyone is reading what you wrote. 
Maybe even if you're a fool for choosing your career path.
(yes, sometimes on this road you'll be really unkind to yourself, too)

pic via Christina Wedge for DRD

The confidence you'll need to develop isn't for those fantastic days when you'll feel like Olivia Pope, walking across the White House lawn in 6" stilettos, taking names & solving the crises of the world in 45 minutes. It's actually for those OTHER days....when you think that your parents (partner/friend/teacher/etc) might have been right and maybe you should go get a "real job" instead of trying to make your dream work.
When it seems like your endeavor isn't a novel idea after all.
When you feel all lost, overwhelmed and unsure about which way to go...so you kinda just want to give up instead.

The truth is, no one is really gonna be able to pull you out of those shitty spots but you.
Being successful in business really means finding your voice and expressing it, but you can't do that without a shot of confidence...because in being you & expressing your unique voice, there will inevitably be something you'll want to say or do one day that will go against the grain. And the main thing you need to go against the grain is, you guessed it--confidence.
(or as I like to say "balls"--even though my mom hates when I say that)

Faith: Although I believe in God, I'm not saying you have to. What I am saying is this:
 you need to be very clear about your fundamental belief on how you think the world works...and if it's not a positive set of beliefs, you might as well stop now. Because trust me--as you move & grow in your business, you'll come across enough reasons to doubt yourself or think something isn't possible without adding a negative world view into the mix. I believe that the circle you create/world you live in is merely a reflection of what you believe about other people and the world as a whole, so if you're one of those conspiracy theory/everyone-is-out-to-get-me/no-one-is-ever-on-my-side/nothing-ever-works-out-for-me kinda people, please let me help you save your hard earned dollars--just stop, now. Do not try to start a business unless you're selling said conspiracy theory (in that case, it's a perfect fit!)--you're better off finding something else to spend your money on.
Because there WILL be late nights of "why??" and early mornings of "how??" and if you don't have a fundamental world view (or belief in God) that says something like "good will always triumph" or "I'll never miss anything that is truly for me" or "the Universe is always conspiring in my favor", then chiiiile...you are gonna have a tough time. Because it's never "if" those days come but "when" they come. And when they do, you need to have something to stand on that keeps you moving forward when you're doubting yourself and it's too dark to see the light at the end of the tunnel. 
So develop a belief system that supports you and I promise...you'll find yourself supported.

When people talk about how much being an entrepreneur has changed them, I think this is really what they're talking about. That no matter the industry, what changes who you are the most is going through each of these phases & uncovering that thing that we all have deep inside to push us forward to the other end--at least I know this is what I mean.
Each time you beat back your doubts, you win.
Each time you take a chance on your intuition and see that it was right, you get stronger.
Each time you remind yourself that "no matter what it looks like right now, all is well", you grow.
Each time you go against your gut, get burned but keep moving anyhow...you STILL win .

And this is how being a business owner can change the very core of who you are.
You might not always get it right, your idea may not make a gazillion dollars, you might stick your foot in your mouth more times than you'd care to, and you may never become a commercial success (whatever that means to you), BUT...if you can just believe that you're on the right path and have some faith that everything is ultimately working out for your good in spite of the details, you can always rest assured of one thing.

You'll end up winning anyhow.

(And PS--if you have a husband/girlfriend/lover/partner that isn't supportive of your dreams, you need to exit stage left IMMEDIATELY...and you probably don't need me to tell you this. Going this road is hard enough without the support of your intimate circle. If you're in bed with someone who doesn't support you...you should think about what you're really telling yourself about what you deserve).

DAYKA ROBINSON+ ATLANTA HOMES & LIFESTYLES 2014 "15 UNDER 40" LIST

Atlanta Homes & Lifestyles

+

the annual "15 Under 40 " list

+

Me.

That's quite a combination, right?

I got an email back in February from Elizabeth Ralls, the EIC of

AHL

back in February informing me of

my selection to this year's "15 Under 40" list

and was utterly blown away. I still remember exactly where I was when I read the email (like, 5 times in a row) and how it felt. 

Have you ever experienced a moment of sheer joy? 

Like

the kind where you can feel the chemistry in your body just shift in an instant?

That's what it felt like.

And for some this may be nothing more than another notch in the belt of successful business ownership, but for me it's a lesson in

faith, focus, passion and drive

. 4 years ago I had this list pinned on a bulletin board in my office and it was something that became a goal of mine for a long time...almost like I was trying to figure out how to get on the list. And after 2 years of constantly looking at it as I worked, I took it down and stored it away, because I realized that I wanted it to be about the work for me, not the end goal, and that--while making the list would be fantastic--not making the list didn't mean that my work wasn't good or I didn't have any validity as a designer. So I set off focusing on the other stuff...making a life I love, creating a business I enjoy, and totally forgot about that list at all.

Until that glorious day in February.

And then I did the Nae Nae.

The magazine is out this month in the May 2014 issue of Atlanta Homes & Lifestyles...

along with a feature on the AHL blog (found here) detailing how I got my start as a designer & the secrets behind my successful blog...I couldn't be prouder.

So to all of my fellow entrepreneurs, the best advice I can give you is this:

Keep working, and stay focused on doing what you love the most and not the accolade that comes with it.  Keep your head down, don't focus on anyone else's business but your own, and just go, go, GO! I just celebrated 3 years in business this past November and what I know for sure is that if God will do it for me, He'll do it for anyone. 

Fist pumps and jazz hands for everyone!

Getting my feet wet

They say a person goes through at least 15 jobs before before they find their career.  I've been through at least 8, so depending on how the future pans out, I'm either more than half way there or I will beat the status quo. In the meantime, I feel a quiet, but increasingly urgent nagging in my soul towards design.  While I loved Spelman (shout out to all of my Spelman Alumnae!), in hindsight I see that a Sociology degree was not for me.  The past 5 years have taught me that I'm happiest somewhere on the spectrum between conventionality and design. Where, you ask? To be honest, I'm still figuring that out, but getting one step closer everyday. I love anything having to do with renovating spaces, decorating, shopping, daydreaming, travel, music, and food so that's what you'll find on these pages. You may also find the occasional commentary on a variety of things, because I can.  :)  I love beautiful interiors and am on a constant quest to meet my own expectations. My home office is filled with design notebooks (ideas that I love), home magazines, and product guides (flooring, wallpaper, etc.), so this blog gives me an outlet to share my ideas and get feedback. I've been wanting to write a blog for awhile, so I believe this is a great fit. If you enjoy it, please follow me, leave your comments (or questions) and let me know what you think. Thanks!